eXTReMe Tracker WARNING: The opinions expressed and linked to in this blog are not necessarily mine (anymore).

My ideas are constantly changing as I learn. Sometimes they even change midway through writing a post.

Friday, June 24

I'm 33

It's my birthday, and I want attention. Nice attention, of course. I used to find it difficult to have everyone gathered around singing to me and watching me blow out candles. I'd feel very self-conscious and try to avoid such a scenario as much as possible. I think this was part of being very self critical and maybe "too" self aware.

After thinking through the hypocrisy post, I'm wondering if a little unawareness could be good for me. I'm well aware of being paricularly critical and upset by people who share certain of my failings. Perhaps, for me, this has to do with some level of not accepting myself.

I'm a bit of a clutz at times. Maybe worrying about it is part of the problem and maybe it contributes to being afraid of having too much attention. It could be that if I were focused on the other people around me more, I would forget to be self conscious and enjoy myself and do better things for them. I don't think it's good to be totally unaware of one's flaws, but it could be healthier to balance self awareness with a focus on others - on acting in a good way.

I have this terrific friend who, in order to combat this difficulty (self-consciousness) of his, deliberately does off-the-wall corny, silly things. I remember feeling embarrassed on his behalf and half wishing I could pretend I didn't know him.

Hehe. Really, though, I think the ability to laugh at oneself is noble quality when it's combined with a serious commitment to doing one's best. A little humor can help one accept one's flaws instead of fearing and avoiding challenging them.

*happily enjoys the company and attention and off-key singing of her family and blows out the candles*

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