eXTReMe Tracker WARNING: The opinions expressed and linked to in this blog are not necessarily mine (anymore).

My ideas are constantly changing as I learn. Sometimes they even change midway through writing a post.

Monday, June 21

The next frontier

A relatively new acquaintance was surprised to hear that I had a blog and quite indignant that I had never mentioned its existence - much less the url. Honestly, it just hadn't occurred to me

I don't usually point it out to people I know in person because this is my place where I put down whatever I want and sometimes it doesn't quite make sense or sounds silly or pretentious or .[insert some undesirable adjective]. I don't mind complete strangers, or nearly complete strangers reading it. I don't know why that is.

Ah well, I guess I can live with it.

Now, on to the next frontier. I've been doing some dancing lately. It started a few months ago as part of my new year's resolution, my mission to explore whatever is strange and new to me in the world and find out whether it is fun.

I'd always wanted to take lessons or classes and really learn to do it properly, but I'd never go around to it. A friend helped me take a step towards realizing that dream. Out of the blue one day, some months back, I asked him if he knew how to dance. He did and agreed to take me. I soon realized that there was more to it than I could learn while dodging other dancers on a crowded floor. I did some searching for classes and soon discovered a few free ones offered around town. I picked one that met on Friday afternoons and showed up for my first class.

It started off slow and easy. Walking. Just walking. Then walking in rhythm. Finally, it was time to dance as a couple. Fortunately, there were plenty of men available for those of us who showed up without partners. In fact, to my surprise, there were more men than women. Again, the instructor started out slowly and after we all were fairly comfortable with the basic two step, he proceeded to teach a much more advanced pattern of steps. He started out teaching each part of the pattern very carefully but gave less and less instruction as he moved through the pattern so that by the end of it, I was completely lost! I decided I wouldn't be coming back.

And yet, I found myself showing up the next week anyway. I remembered the fun of the easy steps and decided it was worth another try. This time things went slightly better for me. After multiple months of Fridays, I'm finally starting to put bits and pieces together well enough to be able to sometimes follow a good partner. I still have a long way to be passable, really, but it's really starting to become more fun and I've started to meet new people. More about that another time...

Some of my very earliest and happiest memories are of dancing to my favorite 45s -that's lingo for one of the smaller diameter records used for playing single songs - for you younguns who don't remember them. I don't remember exactly when I learned to change a record, but I know I had my own player at age 3, and I picked the different songs by the label color. I had a little confusion over a few which happened to have the same label/brand. I don't remember a time when I didn't know how to put a record on.

My idea of dancing back then mostly involved spinning in a circle while standing in the exact center of an oval rug with an alternating pattern of white and brown rows of yarn, or whatever it was made of. The pattern made the spinning even more exciting and fun. When I'd tired myself out spinning, I'd flop down on the rug face up and watch in fascination while the ceiling and the room spun around me. I'd lay there and rest until everything went still again, then get up and do it again.

I thought music was just about the most wonderful thing in the world. It could make me feel sad or happy or silly and, of course, dancing always felt good.

Thursday, January 21

a late new year

Some nice, anonymous person left me a comment complimenting on the improvement of my writing. I was surprised because I hadn't thought much about this blog in a while. Life has been pretty rough on me for a long while, so I haven't had much energy for it. Or is it that I haven't had much energy because I haven't been writing? I do enjoy it, even when it turns out bad. It really doesn't take effort since my mind is constantly turning my thoughts over trying to figure out "how would I say this if I had to explain it to someone". Of course, I don't really know who the someone will be or what they will understand or not, but it seems to be a habit to try to come up with something anyway.

I also realized that I hadn't written or even come up with a resolution for the year. Not even one. I don't understand it. I've never had a problem with coming up with multiple resolutions but here it is, day 21, and I have nothing in mind.

I'm hoping just attempting to write will inspire me to some great idea about what I want to have done by the end of the year. Find a husband? Wow. I've never thought of it quite so bluntly before. It would be nice to have some companionship in my old age. (I'm the dreaded 37 now), but I have to admit, I'm pretty wary of commitment. I don't know if that's the right way to say it. I'm afraid I'll jump into something and it'll be good for a year or two or 5, but then I'll wake up one day and realize it was a huge mistake. No, it probably wouldn't feel like that overnight, but the idea of feeling that I will either hurt someone or be stuck, caged. Yes, caged is how I would describe the feeling I associate with marriage. In my ideal, romantic world, marriage is associated with security, companionship, adventure, and hot, wild s*x. I don't mind if it's not always like that, but frequently enough to remember the good stuff even when things aren't going well would be nice.

Ok, so I think I've thought of something I'd like to make my resolution this year. It is something like

"Space... the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before."

My resolution will be a bit scaled down, something more like, "My mission: to explore what is new to me in this strange world, to seek out new life, new experiences, and to boldly go where I have never gone before."

In summary, I want to challenge myself to seek new experiences, adventure,and fun. This doesn't mean recklessness, just balancing the stresses and troubles in my life with some deliberate adventures. They don't all have to be silly and fun, they could be serious efforts at perfecting a skill. Just something outside of my usually daily grind. The long term stuff, well, I hope it works out, but I think I need to do some important research first - meet people, find out more about them, and see which ones I can live with or without. Perhaps that would make a good second resolution.

I might come up with some others later, but I have new adventures to seek at the moment.