Luminosity

The next frontier

2010-06-21T22:56:00.004-05:00

A relatively new acquaintance was surprised to hear that I had a blog and quite indignant that I had never mentioned its existence - much less the url. Honestly, it just hadn't occurred to me

I don't usually point it out to people I know in person because this is my place where I put down whatever I want and sometimes it doesn't quite make sense or sounds silly or pretentious or .[insert some undesirable adjective]. I don't mind complete strangers, or nearly complete strangers reading it. I don't know why that is.

Ah well, I guess I can live with it.

Now, on to the next frontier. I've been doing some dancing lately. It started a few months ago as part of my new year's resolution, my mission to explore whatever is strange and new to me in the world and find out whether it is fun.

I'd always wanted to take lessons or classes and really learn to do it properly, but I'd never go around to it. A friend helped me take a step towards realizing that dream. Out of the blue one day, some months back, I asked him if he knew how to dance. He did and agreed to take me. I soon realized that there was more to it than I could learn while dodging other dancers on a crowded floor. I did some searching for classes and soon discovered a few free ones offered around town. I picked one that met on Friday afternoons and showed up for my first class.

It started off slow and easy. Walking. Just walking. Then walking in rhythm. Finally, it was time to dance as a couple. Fortunately, there were plenty of men available for those of us who showed up without partners. In fact, to my surprise, there were more men than women. Again, the instructor started out slowly and after we all were fairly comfortable with the basic two step, he proceeded to teach a much more advanced pattern of steps. He started out teaching each part of the pattern very carefully but gave less and less instruction as he moved through the pattern so that by the end of it, I was completely lost! I decided I wouldn't be coming back.

And yet, I found myself showing up the next week anyway. I remembered the fun of the easy steps and decided it was worth another try. This time things went slightly better for me. After multiple months of Fridays, I'm finally starting to put bits and pieces together well enough to be able to sometimes follow a good partner. I still have a long way to be passable, really, but it's really starting to become more fun and I've started to meet new people. More about that another time...

Some of my very earliest and happiest memories are of dancing to my favorite 45s -that's lingo for one of the smaller diameter records used for playing single songs - for you younguns who don't remember them. I don't remember exactly when I learned to change a record, but I know I had my own player at age 3, and I picked the different songs by the label color. I had a little confusion over a few which happened to have the same label/brand. I don't remember a time when I didn't know how to put a record on.

My idea of dancing back then mostly involved spinning in a circle while standing in the exact center of an oval rug with an alternating pattern of white and brown rows of yarn, or whatever it was made of. The pattern made the spinning even more exciting and fun. When I'd tired myself out spinning, I'd flop down on the rug face up and watch in fascination while the ceiling and the room spun around me. I'd lay there and rest until everything went still again, then get up and do it again.

I thought music was just about the most wonderful thing in the world. It could make me feel sad or happy or silly and, of course, dancing always felt good.

a late new year

2010-01-21T16:13:00.003-06:00

Some nice, anonymous person left me a comment complimenting on the improvement of my writing. I was surprised because I hadn't thought much about this blog in a while. Life has been pretty rough on me for a long while, so I haven't had much energy for it. Or is it that I haven't had much energy because I haven't been writing? I do enjoy it, even when it turns out bad. It really doesn't take effort since my mind is constantly turning my thoughts over trying to figure out "how would I say this if I had to explain it to someone". Of course, I don't really know who the someone will be or what they will understand or not, but it seems to be a habit to try to come up with something anyway.

I also realized that I hadn't written or even come up with a resolution for the year. Not even one. I don't understand it. I've never had a problem with coming up with multiple resolutions but here it is, day 21, and I have nothing in mind.

I'm hoping just attempting to write will inspire me to some great idea about what I want to have done by the end of the year. Find a husband? Wow. I've never thought of it quite so bluntly before. It would be nice to have some companionship in my old age. (I'm the dreaded 37 now), but I have to admit, I'm pretty wary of commitment. I don't know if that's the right way to say it. I'm afraid I'll jump into something and it'll be good for a year or two or 5, but then I'll wake up one day and realize it was a huge mistake. No, it probably wouldn't feel like that overnight, but the idea of feeling that I will either hurt someone or be stuck, caged. Yes, caged is how I would describe the feeling I associate with marriage. In my ideal, romantic world, marriage is associated with security, companionship, adventure, and hot, wild s*x. I don't mind if it's not always like that, but frequently enough to remember the good stuff even when things aren't going well would be nice.

Ok, so I think I've thought of something I'd like to make my resolution this year. It is something like

"Space... the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before."

My resolution will be a bit scaled down, something more like, "My mission: to explore what is new to me in this strange world, to seek out new life, new experiences, and to boldly go where I have never gone before."

In summary, I want to challenge myself to seek new experiences, adventure,and fun. This doesn't mean recklessness, just balancing the stresses and troubles in my life with some deliberate adventures. They don't all have to be silly and fun, they could be serious efforts at perfecting a skill. Just something outside of my usually daily grind. The long term stuff, well, I hope it works out, but I think I need to do some important research first - meet people, find out more about them, and see which ones I can live with or without. Perhaps that would make a good second resolution.

I might come up with some others later, but I have new adventures to seek at the moment.

Moo

2009-09-01T08:53:00.004-05:00

I was amazed to look at my blog and realize it's been almost exactly a year since I last posted. Once again, I will be attending "school" for two hours at each of my children's schools. I'm not looking forward to it. I don't mind attending the classes and hearing from the various teachers.

What I mind is feeling like one of a herd, moving in a mass, the crush of so many people. Sometimes, when I'm feeling silly, I'm tempted to add sound effects. "Moooo" But folks probably wouldn't appreciate my expressing that sentiment. Or would they?

It recently occurred to me why I seem to have less tolerance for shopping and generally avoid being around crowds of people. I'm spoiled.

For most of my growing up years, I lived on a piece of land that was surrounded by other, much larger pieces of land. The grasslands extended for miles. There were few trees. Cattle and horses could be seen. But they had enough space to run around and move. I could see for miles around in most directions. Neighbors were too far away to conveniently chat with them often - or to be offended if you didn't.

I could see the sunset. And the sun rise. I could see the mass of stars that are part of our galaxy. I could see why it was called the Milky Way. It took me a few years after moving to town to realize what was "wrong" with the sky. Most of the stars were missing! I kept expecting them to show up - expecting that the weather was obscuring them. Then I realized that one had to drive quite a number of miles outside the city just to see them.

In the countryside where I grew up, I could see a mass of thunderclouds, feel the wind whipping around me, smell the rain as a thunderstorm moved in. I couldn't stand to stay inside when I saw one coming. We didn't have air-conditioning (here in central Texas). A thunderstorm meant a break from the heat. I would run out into the yard and relish the wind - with simple, sheer joy. The animals could feel it too. The pony would run around and around. You can't smell the rain as easily in the city. At best, you get a mix of asphalt and rain. Not so pleasant.

I was spoiled with the space, the privacy, the wide open spaces I grew up in. I miss them. I think when I'm in a crowd of people, I feel I am being denied something important - something I feel entitled to - something I feel everyone ought to be entitle to - space. I guess a part of me really is still a country girl at heart. If you've grown up in a place where you never have space, maybe you can be ok with it because you don't know what you're missing. I guess I still haven't learned to be ok with it.

Not that the city doesn't have its perks. I like being able to get to a grocery store in 5 minutes or less - versus the 15 to 20 minutes that it took, when I was a kid, to drive the 20 MILES to the closest grocery store. If you go early in the morning - or late enough at night - you don't even have to walk through crowds of people to get a loaf of bread. It's also nice having a library,the elementary school, and even some nice restaurants - all within a mile. *Sigh* But I miss the open spaces, the stars.

Back to School

2008-09-04T08:46:00.003-05:00

I recently attended Back-to-School Night at my child's High School as I'm sure many parents around the country are doing these days.

Since each kid has multiple classes and teachers, the schools have determined the most efficient way to meet all your child's teachers is to have the parents "attend" each class in the same order that your child would - complete with bells at the beginning and end of each mini-class period. This was quite an interesting experience the first time. I don't remember whether my high school had such a thing. If they did, my parents never attended, to my knowledge.

It took roughly 2 hours to go through all 7 classes. In each class, the teacher has a sign in sheet where you put your name, your student's name, your phone and your email address so they teacher can contact you if needed. The teacher then goes over a brief summary of what they're going to be teaching, how things are graded, and some tips on how to help your child be successful in the class. It's a bit tiring going through all those classes after a long day's work.

Overall, I was impressed. The teachers seemed to really care about the kids and obviously had put some thought into making the subjects more appealing and relevant to young people than I remember school being. Even the coaches seemed "nicer" than I remembered them being in school.

Wandering the halls got me to thinking about my own memories of high school. My high school was quite different in its layout. Instead of walking down halls, we generally walked outside, in the open air, between buildings. I don't know how the kids can stand being cooped up in one building most of the day.

I loved it when we'd have a good downpour. The walkways would turn to streams and there was no way you were getting to class dry. I'm not sure why I loved it so - other than it being a break in the routine.

As frustrating and boring as it sometimes was to be in school, I found myself missing it. Missing a time when my biggest responsibility was getting a paper turned in or taking a test. And deeply regretting the years in high school when I was obsessed with my long distance boyfriend instead of relaxing and enjoying the people right in front of me. I'm hoping my kid will be able to better than I did - to make good friends and cherish them and to just enjoy life as it comes.

On Parenting

2008-07-26T07:20:00.004-05:00

I don't write a lot about it here. It seems odd since it's a subject at the top of my list of most important things to understand and to do well.

I have been reluctant to violate the privacy of my children and, frankly, not sure I wanted to expose my ignorance on this subject to the world.

Of course, immediately upon writing that, I realize it is completely inconsistent with the rest of my writing. I don't mind admitting my ignorance on a host of other subjects - politics, economics, etc. Why is parenting so sacred?

Well, for one, it's personal. If I make a mistake in politics, and all I do is vote periodically, then the worst that can happen is that my incorrect vote will hopefully be drowned out by the votes of many others.

If I raise my children wrong, however, then it's all my fault. Err. Never realized I thought about it quite that way.

The point is, I realize that just like politics, I might learn more in the process of writing about it, and getting the occasional criticism than if I kept it all to myself.

Besides, at the least, I can find interesting other articles and blogs about parenting and share my thoughts on those - without violating my children's' privacy.

So here's the blog that inspired me to finally consider blogging about parenting: Mama Specific Productions

Also, this post in Black Domestic Goddess really cracks me up.

Leaving the world a better place

2008-07-18T09:33:00.004-05:00

In browsing around the blogs of some fellow atheists, I ran across one whose writing philosophy and general philosophy of life caught my attention as being a bit like my own.

Generally, I do whatever I do with some eye towards making myself and the world better. Sometimes the details of life distract me and even overwhelm me, but it's always there...

Why am I creating this blog?

Ultimately, it is because I want to leave the world better than it would have been if I were not here.

Introduction - Making the World a Better Place

Knowing what is better has proved to be a very difficult problem to solve. In fact, I'm not entirely certain it is solvable by me - or even by one individual. Knowledge can be quite difficult to achieve and my thoughts are ever changing, updating, to take in the next bit of information and experience. In fact, I state this in my warning. I don't state it in quite the same way and I left off how my writing process works when I do edit (and yes, occasionally, I do manage to edit without completely stripping everything I said and still manage to publish the post).

I’m sorry about the editing problems. I just run out of time. You see, when I go to edit a post, I usually end up rewriting it. I remove all of the old mistakes (because I simply block off whole sections of text and delete them) but introduce new mistakes in their wake. At the end of the day, when I am finishing up my post, my head is typically bouncing off the desk as I fall asleep at the keyboard. That has something of an adverse effect on quality. I’m sorry about that.

1000 Posts and Birthday

It's nice to know I'm not the only one who runs into that problem. This fellow seems better educated, at least formally, than I have been. Which leads me to another train of thought which I sometimes toy with and am thinking about pursuing more actively.

The idea is that perhaps the problem of "better" is too big a problem for me to solve and therefore, I shouldn't spend too much time on it. I've only got one life, as far as I know, and is the pursuit of truth the only thing I want out of it? Don't I want to enjoy it? Experience it? Just live? How? Which way?

I think about Socrates' wife sometimes, and his children. What must it have been like for her? As a woman in those times, she would have been totally dependent on a man for her care, and he failed her - so he could pursue knowledge. It may have been wonderful for the rest of humanity, it may have launched humanity into a whole new, greater level of existence in the long run, but what good did that do her? Or his children? They lived a life of poverty when, if she'd married a different man, she might have had more from life, both in material possessions and in care. Even if Socrates' wasn't one to provide her a good living, he also failed to provide her with companionship, with caring, with love. At least, that's what one would guess given his apparent neglect of his family.

Would he have been "better" as a person, if he'd taken care of his family? What would that have done to his ideas? Would they have been more mediocre? More of the same? Or would he have taken them even further - by making them practical, practicable, useful to his wife? We'll never know.

For me, a lot of the everyday things are quite difficult. Oh, sure, I "can" cook passably, sew, write a simple program, mow a yard, get kids ready for school, and quite a few other little household things. What I find difficult, mostly, is making myself do them.

I wonder if that's what happened with Socrates. Perhaps he lacked motivation and self-discipline, but he was clever and could get a crowd of other men to listen to him and make him feel better about his failings. His wife may have had more moral character than he did, in that respect. I wonder what she would have to say on that subject.

Question of the Day: Have you laughed today?

2008-07-01T16:06:00.002-05:00

Ok, another not-so-profound question wrote itself. I wonder if this is going to be a pattern. I have certainly giggled today but am sorry to say I haven't quite worked up to a full out guffaw about anything. However, this one got a chuckle..

Q: How do you tell the difference between a liberal and a conservative?
A: Easy. Watch a man drowning fifty feet offshore.

The conservative will throw out 25 feet of rope and shout "swim for it!"

The liberal will toss out 50 feet of rope, drop his own end, and go off to do another good deed.

Question of the day: Do you like my hat?

2008-06-30T08:43:00.008-05:00

I had hoped to think of something more profound, but the question seemed to type itself out before I could think of something else.

I'm curious to know how many people recognize where the question comes from.

The question is part of my psyche after countless hours of reading "Go, Dog, Go!" to my daughter. I picked up the book because it was on a recommended reading list for beginning readers, and I was in the process of teaching her to read.

At first, I was a bit put off by the endless repetition and utter silliness. This review by Amazon changed my mind.

As a kid, I used to find the usual greetings quite meaningless. People seemed to ask "How are you?" and folks always answered, "Fine."

I never heard anyone say anything else. No one ever said, "Rotten. Terrible. Awful." It just seemed a routine. No one really seemed to actually care about the answer.

On the surface, "Do you like my hat?" seems quite similar in its meaninglessness.

Except, in the book, the answer is always negative "No. I do not like that hat."

It reminded me of how I always wanted to answer, "I feel terrible. How about you?"

Finally, at the end, the hat question gets a different answer. I found the end amazingly satisfying. It's not, "Fine," or "Yes," it's "Yes. I like that party hat." After all the no's and negatives, it was meaningful to hear a positive response.

I'm 36

2008-06-24T08:57:00.002-05:00

I don't know why, but I'm disappointed with it. I guess I haven't quite let go of the idea that my birthday ought to be a national holiday of some sort. I don't necessarily like parties - all that attention turned on me at once. I do like "some" attention though. But I think I keep hoping for something else - something that has rarely happened. The closest I've come to having that was my 17th birthday.

The mother of my then boyfriend made me a homemade chocolate cake. His siblings gave me little presents (odd, unidentifiable, stuffed animals from their collections). Nothing fancy, but genuine - something a little beyond the everyday - but not too much. Not that I don't enjoy some extravagance sometimes. My 16th birthday was like that. A group of friends arranged for a clown (to my complete embarrassment and delight) and then we walked over together to a dance. It did make me feel special - cared for.

I've had "nice" ones since then - mostly when I've arranged for them myself. I just haven't had the energy to do much about them the last few years. I had meant to do something this year, but somehow it snuck up on me.

I used to take the day off, but I'm using up my vacation pretty fast this year. I'm trying to save a little for later. Ah well, it might be a good time to reflect on my New Year's resolution. My resolution is very very simple this year - self-discipline. I want to develop a backbone. Do what I say I will or don't say it. That kind of thing. It didn't seem like much happened at all the first month or so but I kept thinking about it and making little changes. Progress is starting to accelerate. I thought it might. It's like an analogy I heard... something about moving a flywheel. It can take a lot of effort to get it started, but if you keep at it, little by little, it gets moving - and then it takes off with its own momentum and far less effort than it took to get started. I was hoping self-discipline would work that way. So far, it seems to. We'll see.

Maybe I should have a "Birthday Resolution" as well. Nothing leaps out as an obvious need right at the moment. Self-discipline seemed to be the "root" of my lack of progress in all other areas.

Maybe a birthday resolution should be a sort of gift to myself. Less of a "make myself do something" and more of a "I'm going to let myself ...." It should be something good for me, of course. No point in taking up something self-destructive.

What do I most want to do? Guitar lessons? Bungie Jumping? Singing lessons? Drawing lessons? (I sense a theme of wanting to learn here although the bungie jumping is... jumping out at me). I've always wanted to jump out of a perfectly good plane. I find it difficult sometimes to be in high places. On the one hand, I can be afraid of falling. On the other hand, I find myself wondering what it would feel like to free fall... wanting to take a running jump off the edge. Not that I want to hit the ground or die or anything. It's the freefall part I want to experience. Perhaps it could be a goal for the year to work up to taking a sky dive. :) Or something like it.

Another thing I've always wanted to do was sing/perform. I've got a huge fear of speaking in front of large groups. Performing is slightly easier. At least, when I played flute and would have a solo - I found playing for a crowd to be exciting despite being a bit nervous. Singing and playing guitar or a piano might be more fun because, hopefully, I'd be performing something the crowd is more interested in. Of course, first I'd have to be good at it. Would take a lot of work. Not sure I have the time.

Ideas anyone?

Truth

2008-06-06T10:54:00.004-05:00

My most fundamental belief since I was ... oh, age 8 or so, is in the extreme importance of seeking and finding truth.

I decided, that in order to know the right thing to do, I'd first have to find out truth. Once I understood truth, I'd then set about figuring out what to do about it.

The alternative, in my mind, was to "do" a bunch of things someone says is good only to find out it was actually a bunch of BS and have been doing the wrong things all along.

Early on, I had the notion of truth entwined with honesty. Not only did I pursue truth but I was convinced that everyone had an obligation to do so as well. It wasn't just about obligation, either. I had no doubt that everyone would be better off, the more they pursued and understood truth.

The truth could seem to bring hurt and pain, sometimes, but to my mind even the pain and hurt would be far greater in the long run due to all the wrong that would continue to be done and spread.

I couldn't always live up to that, but I tried pretty hard. Avoiding lying was important, of course, but so was honesty and openness about the truth.

I'm sure part of this belief came about through my religious upbringing where the commandment about bearing false witness was mistakenly taught as "thou shalt not lie". I turned it into something like, 'Always tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth'. (or, at least my best understanding of it so that my understanding could be corrected).

Maybe if I'd really lived up to that, I'd have figured out even more. I can see now how there were a lot of things I hid from people - sometimes intentionally. Sometimes, what I hid were good things about myself - or what I thought were good things.

I would be so offended by wrong accusations that I would refuse to even defend myself. I didn't think I should have to defend myself and I think, in a sense, it was a way of hurting my attacker - by refusing to allow them more intimate knowledge of me.

Anyhow, I learned to explicitly separate truth seeking from honesty through Objectivism. Ayn Rand and others made the case that revealing the truth to someone of poor character might result in real harm to generally good people.

One example might be a person robbing your house and demanding to know whether you have children. It might not be a moral obligation to tell the robber where all your valuables or your children are. It may be practical depending on the situation. In some cases, being completely honest may work out in helping you to form enough a connection with the attacker to cause them to refrain from harming you as much. In other cases, a connection may be difficult or impossible to make and trying to establish one puts you and your family at further risk.

Some highly religious folks would consider honesty obligatory even in that situation.

Up until the last year or so, I had never seriously questioned my belief in the fundamental importance of truth.

I questioned how to pursue the truth.
I questioned whether I should share my understanding of the truth.
I questioned whether I should try to force people to my understanding of the truth.

Piece by piece, the truth seemed to be something that wasn't found and wasn't easily shared by following a straight path. People are afraid of truth. It prompts change and change isn't always something one is prepared for.

Sometimes, the way to take on a new understanding of truth is to play with it for a while, try it on here and there, and over time take it on. Sometimes finding the truth involves plunging in and acting as if something were true. It may not turn out to be true, but you'll find the holes in it pretty fast that way. It's a dangerous and sometimes painful way to find truth, but also thrilling and exciting sometimes. Sometimes, it's best to ignore a potential truth for a while and work on pursuing other truths.

So, now, here I am questioning truth again. Is truth really fundamental to goodness? Is there some other way to look at this?
Religious folks have an answer for this. The truth is revealed through a book that was handed down by God.

I can't verify God one way or the other, and I'm not going to get into that right now. It's an essay or a book unto itself.

However, thinking about it prompts another question. Could the truth be found better by "living" a particular belief to its fullest and finding the holes?
Maybe so. Dangerous and risky but possibly useful.

My best guess would be that some variety of approaches is idea. Some folks plunging into the deep end, some folks splashing around on the shore, some folks swimming strong and sure, others floating along, and still others doing some combination of them all. If I were a scientist, trying to find the best answer, I think I'd set up something like that. Lots of people doing different combinations of things and seeing what happens. Of course, that means there are a few important experiments that aren't possible (like what would happen if everyone fell in and pursued the same set of beliefs - if that were even possible).

I'm still thinking about other ways of looking at the belief about truth. Perhaps, in itself, it was a sort of thing where I plunged into following a belief full throttle and learned a lot about it, right or wrong. Even now, I am questioning whether I didn't have it right in the first place.

I'm also wondering. Which sort of person do I want to be or have I already decided?
There were a lot of questionable aspects to what I was taught about God and the Bible.

I didn't know for sure whether there was a God or what was good, but I thought that if I pursued truth, I'd eventually figure it out.

Otherwise I could "do" a bunch of things someone says is good only to find out it was actually a bunch of BS and have been doing the wrong things all along.

Along with that belief, I seem to have tied in honesty. I thought that not only should I pursue truth but that everyone had an obligation to do so as well. I had an obligation to tell them truths (or my best understanding of it) even if it "hurt" because the pain caused by being wrong would be far greater, in the long run, than facing the truth. I couldn't always live up to that, but I tried pretty damn hard. Avoiding lying was important, of course, but so was honesty and openness about the truth.

I'm sure part of this belief came about through my religious upbringing where the commandment about bearing false witness was mistakenly taught as "thou shalt not lie". I turned it into something like, 'Always tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth'. (or, at least my best understanding of it so that my understanding could be corrected).

Maybe if I'd really lived up to that, I'd have figured even more out. I can see now how there were a lot of things I hid from people - sometimes intentionally. Sometimes, what I hid were good things about myself - or what I thought were good things.

I would be so offended by wrong accusations that I would refuse to even defend myself. I didn't think I should have to defend myself and I think, in a sense, it was a way of hurting my attacker - by refusing to allow them more intimate knowledge of me.

Anyhow, I learned to explicitly separate truth seeking from honesty through Objectivism. Ayn Rand and others made the case that revealing the truth to someone of poor character might result in real harm to generally good people.

One example might be a person robbing your house and demanding to know whether you have children. It might not be a moral obligation to tell the robber where all your valuables or your children are. It may be practical depending on the situation. In some cases, being completely honest may work out in helping you to form enough a connection with the attacker to cause them to refrain from harming you as much. In other cases, a connection may be difficult or impossible to make and trying to establish one puts you and your family at further risk.

Some highly religious folks would consider honesty obligatory even in that situation.

Up until the last year or so, I had never seriously questioned my belief in the fundamental importance of truth.

I questioned how to pursue the truth.
I questioned whether I should share my understanding of the truth.
I questioned whether I should try to force people to my understanding of the truth.

Piece by piece, the truth seemed to be something that wasn't found and wasn't easily shared by following a straight path. People are afraid of truth. It prompts change and change isn't always something one is prepared for.

Sometimes, the way to take on a new understanding of truth is to play with it for a while, try it on here and there, and over time take it on. Sometimes finding the truth involves plunging in and acting as if something were true. It may not turn out to be true, but you'll find the holes in it pretty fast that way. It's a dangerous and sometimes painful way to find truth, but also thrilling and exciting sometimes. Sometimes, it's best to ignore a potential truth for a while and work on pursuing other truths.

So, now, here I am questioning truth again. Is truth really fundamental to goodness? Is there some other way to look at this?
Religious folks have an answer for this. The truth is revealed through a book that was handed down to people by God.

I can't verify the God theory one way or the other.

However, thinking about it prompts another question. Could the truth be found better by "living" a particular belief to its fullest and finding the holes? Maybe so. Dangerous and risky but possibly useful. My best guess would be that some variety of approaches is idea. Some folks plunging into the deep end, some folks splashing around on the shore, some folks swimming strong and sure, others floating along, and still others doing some combination of them all. If I were a scientist, trying to find the best answer, I think I'd set up something like that. Lots of people doing different combinations of things and seeing what happens. Of course, that means there are a few important experiments that aren't possible (like what would happen if everyone fell in and pursued the same set of beliefs - if that were even possible).

I'm still thinking about other ways of looking at the belief about truth. Perhaps, in itself, it was a sort of thing where I plunged into it full throttle and learned a lot about it, right or wrong.

A few statements about Evolution

2008-06-05T15:53:00.005-05:00

Rather than go into the details here, when they are explained elsewhere, I thought I'd state the misconceptions in the form of positive statements for easy reference. I have to admit, I was a little surprised by them considering how frequently I hear statements to the contrary:

1. Evolution has been observed.
2. Evolution does not violate the 2nd law of thermodynamics.
3. Thousands of transitional fossils exist.
4. The theory of evolution does not say that life originated, and evolution proceeds, by random chance.
5. Evolution is both a fact and a theory. A theory in scientific terms doesn't tell us anything about the likelihood of its certainty.

What's the harm in obeying a commandment?

2008-05-30T11:20:00.007-05:00

This is similar to a question I've heard commonly asked of atheists. The more general question is why not just act as if you believe even if the Bible isn't true?

My initial gut feeling is that there likely is harm in following any rule without qualification, without using some judgment about the situation. It's even worse if the rules aren't open to changes or refinements.

One particular example is the commandment regarding adultery.

Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Austin Cline gives some background on this commandment. Historically, adultery meant a sexual act between a man and a married or betrothed woman. An act between an unmarried woman and a man, whether he was married or not, was not adultery.

The commandment is premised on the assumption that women were essentially property of men.
Historically, has it been good for women to be treated as property? Overall, no, but even wrong, awful practices can sometimes have a few good qualities. I'll save that for another time. If it's not good for women to be treated as property, and the commandment depends upon women-as-property for validity, then the commandment is on shaky ground.

However, the commandment could also be examined alone, in current context.

Is there value in people not committing certain acts outside a marriage? Which acts? Why?

Here's a hypothetical premise which might make the commandment harmful.

Suppose it is good for people to touch. Actually, that's not in dispute. It's not just good for people to experience touch, it's necessary for survival. This has been shown in animal studies. It's not something that would be ethical to study in humans, given the outcomes in animal studies, but has been corroborated by informal observation of humans. It's pretty safe to presume this is the case for people as well.

Now, further suppose that the more pleasurable and intense the touch, the more beneficial it is for a person. It enhances attachment and bonding - something very important to human relationships. Now, imagine, if you can, a culture where this sort of touching was openly given and received on a very frequent basis. Barring and medical diseases, you'd think the folks in this culture might come to be very attached to each other. This would be great if cooperation is an important part of human life (and it is).

If touch is important and good, limiting it is harmful - at least to some extent. The harm may be minor compared to the benefits of restricting touch. This is a difficult question for me to answer well at present.

My question is: What are good reasons for limiting a very important kind of human interaction in such a way?

I think I'm in love.

2008-05-19T14:10:00.012-05:00

You might know who he is.

He's famous. Internationally known. He's an inventor /playboy / hero all in one. A man who's good with his hands, his brain, and his heart, all in one.

I don't necessarily approve of everything he does. But then, he doesn't have time to dally around and weigh all his choices. I think he does pretty well given the problems he's faced and the stakes involved - and the mistakes he made.

Maybe I should describe him a bit more. Dark hair, dark eyes, mustache. I normally don't like facial hair that much, but I don't mind it on him.

Did I mention he's a weapons developer? Not something I thought I'd find attractive about anyone but as I think about it, I have an idea as to why I find this aspect of him appealing.

I love science - understanding how things work. It's like a beautiful puzzle where you figure out one little piece only to open up a world of other puzzles. And yet, they all seem to come together again over time.

Cause and effect. I know that reality is more complex than that, but it's still amazing to me - to understand a long chain of causes and effects. Technology, to me, is playing with this knowledge. Making your own little something beautiful.

A gun is a work of art. The primer, the powder, the bullet, the cartridge. The pin that hits the primer, that fires and ignites the powder within the cartridge which builds up so much pressure that the bullet flies out of the gun barrel at amazing speeds.

Some of my happiest childhood memories are of sitting near my father, watching him clean his guns or helping him reload cartridges. Sometimes, I'd pick up his Handgun Digest or a gun manual and try to understand how they worked. It amazed me how complex they were. They didn't look like much. I fondly remember the smell of the cleaning fluid. Folks that have ever smelled that stuff know what I'm talking about. It's pretty distinct.

I don't think of modern weapons as people-killing-machines first. To me, first, they are incredible masterpieces of ingenuity, of scientific knowledge, of power and control over our environment - and submission to it as well.

Back to sighing over my new love interest. I've never met him and never will.

After all, he's fictional character, Tony Stark.

Free Speech or Separation of Church and State?

2008-05-12T12:01:00.003-05:00

This article addresses some questions I've been pondering lately. It doesn't answer them, but it reminded me of them, so I thought I'd share them and my answers. The answers are subject to rapid change as I am exploring these issues further.

Is the speech of religious leaders, when it concerns politics, free protected speech or is it a case of government favoring religion (because of the tax exempt status given to churches)?
If the government isn't granting tax exempt status to only one religion, then it probably isn't a matter of establishing a particular religion, but it might be a matter of establishing religion generally (which isn't illegal, as far as I know).

Is tax exempt status a matter of government favoring a religion or establishing a religion?

While it could be used this way, it doesn't have to be. Many religions have churches or branches with tax exempt status here.

Is it bad for the government to favor religion or establish a religion?

Probably.

Is it bad for the government to favor the general growth of religion generally (vs. discouraging religion generally or remaining neutral)?

Possibly.

Dilemma revisited

2008-05-07T16:21:00.002-05:00

I've been browsing through some of my old posts and wincing at some of my old ideas. It's really quite embarrassing to have them available like this. It makes me feel, well, naked. Exposed. (And not with a slender, attractive figure that I'd want to show off).

After reading a few more posts, I'm even more disgusted with some of my writing.

Then again, what kind of writer would I be if I only left up my 'good' stuff?
A good one? A wimpy one?

I say that because one source of ignorance in our society is the stigma that goes along with making a mistake sometimes. It seems like one way to counter that is to be up front about one's mistakes, past mistakes especially - to let people see that change is standard. Imagine a society where you could expect that if you meet a person a year later, they will have become, oh, say, 200% less ignorant.

If my knowledge is "better" now, then I can be an inspiration or a guide to folks who have made my same mistakes. If my knowledge now turns out to be "worse" than before, well, at least I haven't deleted that old knowledge. It could turn out to be useful to someone. The other benefit of leaving old stuff up is that smarter folks than me might take time to criticize my ideas and tell me better ones.

It's just so yucky to read some of it.

I don't think the content bothers me so much as my presentation and ways of communicating bother me. That said, most of it is written stream-of-consciousness style, so, of course, it isn't really ideal for communication.

Perhaps I can find a way to rewrite them which explains my old ideas and how and why they've changed. This would meet all of my goals - sharing mistakes while not inflicting bad writing and bad ideas on myself and others.

What I've left out about War (and Peace)

2008-05-07T14:41:00.003-05:00

One thing I am struck by as I read my older posts and articles is by how much is left out of even my most verbose writing.

For example, I wrote about my difficulty with understanding the pacifist position.

The post had started off with some figures on the number of deaths in Iraq caused by Saddam. I was astonished by them.

What I did NOT say was part of my astonishment was because the number was roughly 100 times the numbers of deaths that I was seeing reported daily on anti-Iraq-war sites. The number of deaths of American soldiers, that is. I hadn't seen a figure for the number of Iraqi people killed either before or after the war. Again, I don't think it's a matter of crunching numbers, but the numbers WERE pretty surprising.

Here are a few more things I didn't mention in that article that seem important to have communicated:
How sympathetic I really am, emotionally, to pacifism.
I think it's possible that one day pacifism could possibly win out and end all wars.
I suspect if it worked, it would be as a result of all those who would initiate war are killed off - or helped to find a better way.
It's the latter part I don't think we're prepared to accomplish... yet.

I would like to see war end altogether. I think many or most people would agree with that, but maybe it doesn't get said enough by... non-pacifists.

More important to me than seeing war end is seeing people free from oppression. It would be a good life, to me, if no one was ever killed, but we all lived in prison-like conditions.

When I expressed finding it hard to understand pacifism, I was thinking more about the idea of standing by, refusing to take an action which might protect innocent people or stop further oppression (and killing).

Dilemma

2008-05-06T10:18:00.004-05:00

I've been browsing through some of my old posts and wincing at some of my old ideas. It's really quite embarrassing to have them available like this. It makes me feel, well, naked. Exposed. (And not with a slender, attractive figure that I'd want to show off).

Then again, what kind of writer would I be if I only left up my 'good' stuff? It probably won't seem good either in a few years. It also might help someone who has similar ideas relate to me and maybe eventually to my newer ways of thinking. Or maybe it will put off people who would like and respond to my more current views. Decisions, decisions. Not my strong point.

Perhaps a more interesting approach would be to denote which posts are no longer in line with my current world view. I am a little shy about that - having people really know my beliefs.

Still, I'm not satisfied with my one disclaimer about my views likely being different (now) than when I wrote any particular post.

It's not uncommon for my opinion to change before I can even actually "post" the post. I still post it, though, to keep myself from censoring everything and having a blank blog.

Ok, so, I'm going to go back to the beginning and start marking posts that I no longer agree with. I suppose I'll put a date, too. It could be fun to see if I get to "unmark" some further on.

I will try, I think, to even mark the ones I post as "I don't know if I agree with this". There may be so many marked that it might be easier to mark only the ones that I feel reflect my true, considered, current opinion. Hmm.

Beginner Guitar Practice Techinques

2008-04-29T11:49:00.003-05:00

I asked a question several months ago about how to best practice chord changing on a guitar:

My question is, if there are any guitarists out there, how long does it take to get to where you can actually play 2 chords in a row without having to consciously stop and rearrange your fingers every time? Is there a practice technique to speed this up? Time to do some research...

Well, I've barely touched my guitar since then, but I did find what I think might be a useful answer. Basically, it occurred to me to set goals rather like one might for running a race or other "timed" event. I started out counting a beat and focused on changing the chord on the ... oh... 4th measure in 4/4 time - just to see whether I could. I soon realized that I could actually keep up with changing chords every 2 or 3 measures. I wasn't as horrible as I thought! (Which isn't saying much, I know, but it was a pleasant surprise for me). To an experienced guitarist, it probably sounds ridiculous, but it took me a minimum of 8 beats to get my brain and fingers prepared to switch notes. Once my brain and fingers were "ready", it still took me about 4 beats to actually perform the movement.

Once I got a sort of baseline as to what I "could" do, I set goals for improvement. Pretty soon, I could be "ready" to switch in around 4 beats and 1 to 4 beats for the actual change.

Before I came up with this strategy, I really had no idea whether I was really improving or not - whether the practice was actually working. It was very frustrating. Now, when I pick up the guitar, even if it's only for 5 minutes. I have something concrete to work towards and it's a much greater pleasure.

Lack of belief is still a Belief

2008-04-22T11:42:00.006-05:00

A lack of belief is still a belief, so atheism is a belief and atheists by definition believe that God does not exist.

As a fellow atheist, I have seen this argument brought up many times. I have always had a sense that it fell short of giving any credence to religious belief but haven't been able to explain it very well.

Today, on the atheism.about.com site by Austin Cline, I found a discussion of this claim that I found to be unsatisfying. It also gave me some idea of how I might explain my own feeling that the claim, when made by theists, is a bit deceptive.

What's especially disconcerting about the above myth, commonly offered in response to being told that atheism is just a lack of belief in gods, is how insanely incoherent it is. If I told someone that lacking hair is still having hair, or lacking a hobby is itself a hobby, they'd probably ask whether I've been feeling OK and might even suggest counseling.

This analogy doesn't quite work.

Belief has a very different meaning from "having hair" or "hobby" such that an analogy can be tricky.

A more precise way to give an analogy would be to say that "one is lacking red hair." A lack of a belief in atheism is a lack of a particular belief but not necessarily a lack of any kind of belief.

So, technically, the theist isn't automatically logically inconsistent by making such a claim about atheists.

To take this further, I looked at a definition of belief:

Assent to a proposition or affirmation.

By this definition, it would be difficult to be a thinking person at all without having some sort of belief. Additionally, one who lacks a belief in a God could reasonably be said to have a belief (assent to the proposition) that "There is no God".

Ok, so what is the real problem with this claim?

I suspect it has to do with one's reasons for a belief and one's degree of certainty. A believer in God bases his belief on FAITH (no evidence based reason).

A believer in the idea "There is no God" or more tentatively "There very likely is no God" considers him/herself to be basing this on reason.

One might say that the belief of Austin Cline's is something like "I don't think anything exists unless there is good reason to think so." And likely, he has good reasons for thinking so (at least, I believe something like that, and I think my reasons for it are pretty good).

A theist would still be correct that he, indeed, has a belief, but it isn't a real argument. It is begging the question of whether one's reasons for having a belief are good.

Additionally, the claim is deceptive because there is another definition of belief which is based on faith or that it is about religion. In this sense, the meaning of belief is different when applied to theism (statement of religion or faith) than when applied to atheism (assent of a proposition).

Self Care

2008-04-07T09:43:00.002-05:00

Almost a year ago, I wrote about the struggles I've had with hate and how I found some relief from it. I got an interesting comment on it and wanted to share it and reflect on what I've experienced and learned in the last year since I wrote about it.

One thing that I noticed in rereading the old post is that I didn't completely write out all my thoughts on the issue. I stopped a bit short although it's possible that a reader could have guessed at what I intended to say.

As it happens, the thing I meant to include is relevant to the comment. The thing I realized is that although it's nice if one can achieve some sort of peace by interacting with someone - getting understanding or acknowledgment from them, the real person I needed acceptance from was ... ME.

To someone who already feels this sort of inner peace/acceptance, it may seem trivial or obvious, but to me, it wasn't. It was the feeling of self-doubt - of feeling that I deserved bad treatment - that was at the root of hatred.

I should add that there are probably other things, other feelings that contribute to hatred, but, for me, those were less of an issue. I mostly try to think of people as doing the 'best' they can and as hurting others without meaning to or because they don't know of a truly better way to interact. I may want to keep my distance - to avoid being harmed - but I believe those can be healthy feelings.

I think of hatred as something where you want so see someone HURT, you want revenge, you aren't really thinking or having feelings about what's best for you... or them.

Although other people can certainly "hurt" me, they can't "make" me hate them and, generally, whatever they can do to me (emotionally) isn't nearly as powerful as what _I_ can do. In other words, the point of the old post wasn't whether I'd be loved or accepted by others. It was about my own feelings towards myself being the biggest stumbling block. I had long suspected it but had never found a good way to "convince" myself that I was "worth" treating better.

That said, there is another aspect to the comment that I'm not sure how to address. I think people really do need each other, or at least, they thrive from the care of others and wither without it. What do you do if you have no one around who really cares to help you? To nurture you?

I don't really know the answer to this, but my best guess would be: give it to yourself first. Nurture yourself. There's a book I read some months back that talks about this in more detail -
The Journey From Abandonment to Healing.

I have one other suggestion. I'm afraid I'm going to mangle it a bit because I read it long ago and am not sure where to find it again. It was what to do when one is feeling stuck. It was to make a change - a big one. And I'd add, if that doesn't work, maybe it wasn't a big enough change. I don't know that it matters what change so much because I think change gives one an opportunity to create new patterns of behavior, new paths.

Anonymous said...

Great advice. I'm not sure I found the answer to how to stop hating. I do know you are very correct about wanting human interactions, wanting to be loved and have someone care for you. ....but feeling like this is out of reach.

This comment came at an interesting time - where I'm stuck feeling something like anger and pain and maybe a bit of hate but it's a different person and an entirely different situation. It was good to be reminded of my own advice.

War declared on Scientology

2008-01-24T18:34:00.000-06:00

I'm curious to see how this plays out. I'd like to see this sort of energy put into legal and legitimate ways of opposing and undermining cults (and some religions as well).

Hello, Scientology. We are Anonymous.

Over the years, we have been watching you. Your campaigns of misinformation; suppression of dissent; your litigious nature, all of these things have caught our eye. With the leakage of your latest propaganda video into mainstream circulation, the extent of your malign influence over those who trust you, who call you leader, has been made clear to us. Anonymous has therefore decided that your organization should be destroyed.

I did a little more reading about Scientology after seeing a bit in Slashdot about how the Church threatened a lawsuit over a comment copyrighted by Scientology. Apparently, the church has done some pretty nasty stuff - including stealing government documents and harassing and even attempting to frame people who commented negatively about the Church. They were investigated and in some cases convicted of these crimes. I can see why they might be considered dangerous.

I could also see the "War" being something set up by Scientologists. I don't know to what purpose, but then I don't always get the purpose of a particular cult. Some folks think the purpose of this one is money.

I'd been ignoring the video about Tom Cruise. Seeing a cult member going on about their cult isn't new or terribly interesting to me. I mean, just last week, someone came up to me telling me about *insert deity from other modern religion*. However, the attempts by the Church of Scientology to remove it caught my interest enough that I endured watching it... More weird stuff.

Another weird thing I happened upon was an account of a woman who was admitted to a hospital, half-starved, dehydrated, sleep-deprived an psychotic. Scientologists showed up at the hospital saying she didn't believe in psychiatrics and took her to a hotel to rest. She died shortly after. After an 8 year battle, her family finally settled out of court after trying to sue for wrongful death.

And here I thought they were just some wackos who tried to get you to take IQ tests across the street from the University.

A Tiny Star

2008-01-21T15:23:00.000-06:00

I have never watched American Idol, but I've been hearing bits about it on the radio lately and decided to take a peek on YouTube and see if I could find some clips. While browsing around, I happened upon a YouTube video of this little girl singing.

I really wasn't expecting much, but I was curious, so I gave it a listen and was impressed. It's not just that her voice is beautiful. I think there's something else... something Simon (from American Idol) comments on. It's the silence that surrounds her singing that really brings something special to the song. The first one video I watched was of her singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and making it on to the finals. It's a great one to watch. She sings it beautifully in the final as well.

The other recording I recommend listening to is "I Will Always Love You". Her singing so impressed folks that she was given a record deal, so this song is more polished. It seems like a song well suited to her... with plenty of silence. Listen and I think you'll hear what I mean.

I don't recall ever hearing anything quite so beautiful.

Scientific American: Psychedelic Drugs

2008-01-08T16:19:00.000-06:00

"...between 1967 and 1972 studies in terminal cancer patients by psychiatrist Stanislav Grof and his colleagues at Spring Grove State Hospital in Baltimore showed that LSD combined with psychotherapy could alleviate symptoms of depression, tension, anxiety, sleep disturbances, psychological withdrawal and even severe physical pain. Other investigators during this era found that LSD may have some interesting potential as a means to facilitate creative problem solving."

http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=psychedelic-healing&sc=WR_20080108

Boredom and the Meaning of Life

2008-01-03T08:06:00.000-06:00

Staving off tedium is no mundane matter. People who are predisposed to boredom are more likely to suffer from ills such as depression and drug addiction; they also tend to be socially awkward and poor performers at school or work. Getting at the origins of boredom may lead to ways to prevent and treat such pathologies and detrimental behaviors.

This article caught my eye because boredom is something I struggle with quite a lot and which seems to be getting worse as I get older. When I was young, learning something new was always interesting and fun. Now, even learning something new seems ... old. Maybe that's because I don't usually get past the boring bits that come a little after the beginning of learning something new.

The one thing I have learned to do fairly well in my life was to play the flute - had just become difficult again when I quit. I quit because small improvements, at that stage, required hours and hours of practice. For a long time, a small amount of practice could yield great results in performance. If I really wanted to make improvement, it would have to be in technique and overall music knowledge. I was an Engineering major, and I didn't see how I could manage my major along with 20+ hours/week of practice.

After struggling with the pre-engineering courses - Physics, Chemistry, Calculus, I took a programming course at the community college. It was so easy! And fun! I switched my major to Computer Science.

Then I had a baby. It didn't sink in right away, that a baby would take far more than 20+ hours a week, but eventually I quit school. I couldn't quite pull off a toddler + college. Actually, that's not quite true. I think it was the TV that was the problem more than the toddler. The programming got boring and frustrating.

Anyway, when everything gets boring as soon as you know a little about it, then how do you know what you'll be interested in on the other side of the boredom? What if you study something for years and it never gets interesting again?

I guess that happens to lots of people.

What I didn't know, is that studies were being done on the issue of boredom. I'll be curious to see what scientists learn in the long run about it. Wouldn't it be funny if it came to be treated as a 'disease' that was 'treatable'... similar to the way depression has come to be treated?

2008 Resolution

2008-01-01T21:21:00.000-06:00

This year, I am going to do things a bit differently with the resolutions(s). I'm just going to have one, and it's fairly simple (although not necessarily easy):
Develop a habit of self-discipline.
It may seem a bit abstract and difficult to evaluate, but I'll know whether I've accomplished it or made satisfactory progress on it. I've occasionally set these sorts of resolutions before and felt very pleased with the results. This is a tougher one, but since it's the only one, I'll be able to focus on it.

I also have some more specific goals in mind for the short term and long term... and some shorter term goals for working on my one resolution. I'll try to expand on those soon. But for now, good night, and Happy New Year!

On Dating

2007-12-29T21:33:00.000-06:00

I while back, I wrote about no more dating. I'm unsatisfied with how I expressed myself in that post, so I thought I'd attempt a rewrite.

I've been afraid of dating because I was afraid that I would hurt other people by not being interested in them.

It's not that I expect hordes of people to be interested in me. It might have something to do with my own experiences with being rejected as a young girl.

I'd develop a crush on some boy or another - think about him continuosly for a long time, find out that he didn't return my interest and be quite devestated by it. I don't know why I took such things so hard, but I did. I wouldn't want to be the cause of anyone feeling that way.

What I learned from my more recent experiences is that it's not always painful or even terribly uncomfortable to have someone simply uninterested in you.

Which also addresses the other fears ... of embarrassing myself.

Being hurt, oddly, is one thing I'm not afraid of so much - even with having some fairly recent experiences with it. It seems odd -fearing embarrassment more than pain.

That said, I'm still not dating. I'm not sure if it's because no one's asked or because I feel more inclined to seek friends. Probably both.

I'm back!

2007-12-29T21:18:00.000-06:00

I don't have anything in particular I want to write about, but I'm happy to be writing - even if it's not totally spellbinding or interesting. It's also fun to look back at my previous beliefs and compare them to my current beliefs.

I love this bit of brainstorming...

I'm very excited about the new year coming up. I think it's because I get to write resolutions. I love writing resolutions and reviewing my old ones. I can't recall looking at the one's from the previous year and not making some progress on at least one of them. Usually, I make some or good progress on more than one - even if I never look at them again until the end of the year! Writing new ones is fun, too, because it's a chance to let go of any guilt or bad feelings about not accomplishing the old ones and start with a clean slate.

Hypocrisy

2007-11-09T14:05:00.000-06:00

A long while back, I posted a link about hyprocrisy. It echoed some of my beliefs about hypocrisy but went into a deeper analysis than I had considered.

I've felt both frustrated and protective about hypocrits (including myself).

On the one hand, it's tempting to feel angry at a person who expresses certain beliefs in a "judgemental" fashion and yet fails to act in accordance with their own stated beliefs.

On the other hand, I think one should strive to have some sympathy for a hypocrit.

Sometimes acting a particular belief is just plain difficult and yet it's worth hanging onto the belief and to continue to seek a way to act on the belief without compromising other values.

Sometimes, a hypocrit is most angry with him or herself and finds reminders of their moral "failings" to be painful and therefore lashes out at anyone ELSE who acts in a similar way.

Sometimes a hypocrit isn't so much angry as hoping to help others avoid making the same mistakes.

Sometimes a hypocrit is unaware of the inconsistency between their beliefs and their own actions.

Sometimes a hypocrit will do anything to AVOID such awareness. This tends to be because of fear - of their own judgement, of others' judgements, etc. In fact, I think this is the person who likely most needs sympathy and understanding - as their own tendencies towards harsh judgement (including self-judgement) has likely deprived them from feeling accepted by themselves and others.

Thinking about it now, I can't recall a situation where there was an "honest" hypocrit. If a person is honest about their inconsistencies, then they're not referred to as a hypocrit. They might be praised for their humility or pitied or avoided but never called a hypocrit.

I think the article is slightly missng what people are referring to when they call someone a hypocrit. It's not about whether their actions match their beliefs but about whether a person is honest (with others as well as him/herself) about his/her actions and also whether the person includes or implies moral judgements of people.

Marital Expectations

2007-10-25T09:46:00.000-05:00

After seeing a post with a question about what a person might expect in a marriage, I've been thinking about what my expectations were as a bride 16 years ago, at the tender age of 18.

I tried not to have any or to at least be flexible about them and willing to change. I suppose the one true expectation I had was that my spouse would do the same thing.

For example, I "expected" that my husband would want to be with me quite a lot. I hadn't thought about what would happen if we didn't particularly enjoy doing the same things. I suppose I assumed we would like doing the same things and would naturally prefer to do those things together.

When that didn't happen, due to our interests being more different than they first appeared, I tried to take it in good stride. I determined that a couple might actually get along better and learn more from each other if they spent some time developing their own, separate, interests and friendships. I thought, perhaps, that being "too" close could create conflicts where none was necessary. I felt a little lonely sometimes but certainly didn't consider it a deal breaker for the marriage.

I think it would be a fun project, now that I'm divorced to figure out more about what my expectations were, how they changed, how useful they were, and what they would be now. I don't think I'd ever want to be married again, but it would be entertaining to make a theoretical list which might be useful for a "special" intimate relationship. I won't post that sort of stuff here, but I might post some general ideas about expectations and what's useful (or not) about them.

To start off, I thought I'd share a funny article I found on the topic. It is about expectations in the era right after the Civil War. Here's a sample of a personal ad from the late 1800s:

I am 33 years of age, and as regards looks can average with most men. I am looking for a lady to make her my wife, as I am heartily tired of bachelor life. I desire a lady not over 28 or 30 years of age, not ugly, well educated and musical. Nationality makes no difference, only I prefer not to have a lady of Irish birth. She must have at least $20,000.

I was amused to see how many made mention of expectations about money. It seems "shocking" for this day and age, but I find something refreshing about it. After all, finances are supposedly one of the most important problems married people face - and a big reason for divorce. So, for fun, my first attempt at (current) expectations will be in the style of those personal ads from 100+ years ago:

A lady, but not prim, 35 years of age, average in appearance, educated, musical desires a person, mature, preferably 30 years to 50 years of age, and good with children.

It seems to be leaving so much out. It's a wonder people survived their marriages.

Jena Update

2007-10-25T08:47:00.000-05:00

When I first wrote about the incidents in Jena, I suspected that it was an incident where people were turning a criminal incident into a black vs. white story. I ended thinking that perhaps there really was something in the allegations about racism.

After getting into an online discussion about this a week or two ago, I looked for more information about the incident.

While searching, I was surprised to find that snopes had a write up. It fills in some details that were left out of the NPR version of the story. For example, it mentions that eye witnesses saw the incident with the gun and that rather than it being a matter of an argument where the white man pulled out the gun to threaten the black man, the white man was pulling out the gun to protect himself from attackers.

Of course, we don't have all the details about this, but it's really starting to sound like my first opinion was right - that it was a criminal incident being turned into a white vs. black thing.

If so, I think it's a shame. I think there are some real problems and this incident is distracting people from really working on them together.

How to Run an LED on a (weak) AA Battery

2007-10-15T16:33:00.001-05:00

A friend pointed me to this article. I occasionally like playing with electronics and have been frustrated at not being able to make much use of a 1.5V battery. Well, no longer!
http://www.emanator.demon.co.uk/bigclive/joule.htm

Myanmar Monks

2007-09-27T21:31:00.000-05:00

I have long been skeptical that Buddhism could be a practical moral system. While I could respect that a stance of nonviolence could be effective with people who have some sympathy for nonviolence, I have suspected that it would be useless against people who have no such sympathy (or maybe just not enough sympathy).

Well, here's a tragic example where these questions are being put to the test:

An interesting twist on this is that folks who are sympathetic to the monks and nonviolence, but perhaps not as purely Buddhist, may escalate the violence. If this succeeds in causing the government to ease off some in its oppression of the people, then it would be a combination of Buddhism, respect for Buddhism, and violence that actually brought about the result.

Perhaps Buddhism combined with a lot of Buddhist sympathizers is a practical moral system?

Or would it be even more effective if, despite the imprisonment of 200 monks, there was no violence on the part of the people?

Would the government continue to kill people and imprison them? (if the nonviolence had continued) I believe the imprisoning would continue. I'm not sure about the killing. Would the oppression cease? Unlikely.

On the other hand, an escalation in violence could end with a lot more deaths and a government all the more determined to continue its oppressive regime.

Whatever happens, I hope it involves as little death, violence, and oppression as possible.

Geography: Burma

2007-09-26T21:34:00.000-05:00

I came across an article about Buddhist monks protesting and being arrested. The article mentions a previous incident, in 1988, where students protested and thousands were shot at. I wondered if this was taking place in China, but the place mentioned was Myanmar, so I decided to look it up.

Also known as, the Union of Myanmar, Burma is bordered by China, India, Thailand, and Laos. It is ruled by a "military junta". The monks and thousands of others have been protesting the oppression by the government.

Eruv - Vocabulary Word of the day

2007-09-21T22:49:00.000-05:00

An eruv is a boundary recognised by Jewish law, within which certain activities are permitted on Shabbat that would not be permitted otherwise. Apparently, there is a prohibition against carrying objects to or from a home, or enclosed area. Jewish communities will often build an eruv (boundary) to enclose their community to allow more mobility and flexibility in observing Shabbat.

What is an Eruv?

What has been left out? Racism in jena

2007-09-21T21:46:00.000-05:00

Austin-American Statesman Article on Jena

My curiosity was aroused by the article in my local paper about a rally in Jena, Louisiana. Why the big fuss now? Over some "thugs" who beat someone up? Why not a big protest about the nooses in the tree? What about the rights of a person to not be beaten?

It didn't all fit together, so I decided to check out some other news sources. It was like reading about an entirely different event. I must say, I'm a little surprised at how many important details were left out of the local paper.

NPR Story on Jena

The NPR version makes a bit more sense. I can see now why there's so much tension. The school was burned down. No one knows who did it.

A similar incident happened immediately before the white student was attacked.

Get this, a (different) white student pulled a gun on the black student. The black student wrestled the gun away and took it home. Guess who was charged with a crime? The black student - for theft of a firearm?! No charges against the guy who'd actually pulled the firearm out, potentially with intent to shoot the black student.

As far as racial problems, our community is no different than any other community," Fowler says.
Fowler is a school board member, and unfortunately, I think he may be correct. I don't know that his community is much different from many other communities. I don't think it's a good answer. But he and many other white leaders agree that the charges are unfair. I think that's a huge improvement in our culture over the last 100 years, but I think there's a lot of ground left to cover.

I'd like to think that MY community is different, but I can't say for sure whether it is. The minorities in my community don't seem to think they're being treated fairly - judging by the protests and complaints about some recent incidents.

I wonder what NPR has left out of its version of the story.

Did the (white) student who pulled the gun have a reasonable fear of harm? Was he not charged because it was "self-defense"? Had it been a black student in his place, would it have been considered "self-defense"? I know of a (white) man who served a number of years in prison for pulling a gun out and shooting someone in self-defense. The crime was in having the gun more than defending himself. Of course, he was shooting at a white guy. Would it have been different if the other man were black?

Why didn't Bailey turn over the gun to police? It might have prevented his being charged with theft/robbery (Still hard to swallow that one, even so). Maybe he didn't trust the police?

And, btw, I have been using "black" in my terminology because that is what is used in the stories. I thought that wasn't politically correct? I've always found "African-American" a bit problematic too because not all black people in America are African-American. At least, they wouldn't consider themselves African-American.

Talk Like a Pirate Day

2007-09-19T08:58:00.001-05:00

Ahoy thar me mateys!

Aye, it be the grand day - the day all yee lads n lasses have been waiting for -

Talk Like a Pirate Day!!

Composer: Hans Zimmer
Song: Hoist The Colors

Lyrics:

Yo, ho, haul together,
hoist the colors high.
Heave ho,
thieves and beggars,
never shall we die.

The king and his men
stole the queen from her bed
and bound her in her Bones.
The seas be ours
and by the powers
where we will we'll roam.

Yo, ho, haul together,
hoist the colors high.
Heave ho, thieves and beggars,
never shall we die.

Some men have died
and some are alive
and others sail on the sea
– with the keys to the cage...
and the Devil to pay
we lay to Fiddler's Green!

The bell has been raised
from it's watery grave...
Do you hear it's sepulchral tone?
We are a call to all,
pay head the squall
and turn your sail toward home!

Yo, ho, haul together,
hoist the colors high.
Heave ho, thieves and beggars,
never shall we die.

US site: http://www.talklikeapirate.com/

Official British Headquarters: http://www.yarr.org.uk/

PHP: Hypertext Preprocessor

2007-09-14T13:59:00.000-05:00

Having run out of ideas about what to write, I decided to try a random website for inspiration.

I was really hoping for something a bit juicier than this, but then again, I've been doing a bit of dabbling with a website and wondering what PHP meant and whether it was something I should know.

I have some questions about it and, not surprisingly, the site answers those right off:

What is it?
PHP is an HTML-embedded scripting language. Much of its syntax is borrowed from C, Java and Perl with a couple of unique PHP-specific features thrown in. The goal of the language is to allow web developers to write dynamically generated pages quickly.

Perfect! I learned see way back in the day. I'm very rusty, but it's nice to know I'll find it vaguely familiar.

Why is it called PHP?
It stands for PHP: Hypertext Preprocessor. It's recursive. I love recursion. Also, it'd be inconvenient to call it HP. Too many other things called HP. My favorite calculator used to be an HP 15C. Reverse Polish Notation. It took a little getting used to at first, but I loved it for long calculations in high school.

Ok, one of the first things on the site is a link to a tutorial. I think "great, I'll get to see what it is." Nope. First it shows me how to install it on a server. Like I know how to admin a server! NOT. Well, not yet anyway. I think I have access to a server with PHP but it's not on a site that I would want to "play" with.

I'll have to see if my personal site has access. Then maybe I can get a few little pages written..

Other attempts at revised Commandments

2007-09-14T13:21:00.000-05:00

George Carlin goes through the Biblical Ten Commandments and reduces them to two. Although I would personally scrap the 2nd one, it was fun reading:

Well let me ask you this- when they were making this shit up, why did they pick 10? Why not 9 or 11? I'll tell you why- because 10 sound official. Ten sounds important! Ten is the basis for the decimal system, it's a decade, it's a psychologically satisfying number (the top ten, the ten most wanted, the ten best dressed). So having ten commandments was really a marketing decision! It is clearly a bullshit list. It's a political document artificially inflated to sell better. I will now show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list that's a little more workable and logical. I am going to use the Roman Catholic version because those were the ones I was taught as a little boy.

I found a few more lists on the Religious Tolerance site, including a list thought to have been created by secular humanists:

We shall not limit freedom of thought.
We shall not cause unnecessary harm to any living thing or the environment.
We shall be respectful of the rights of others.
We shall be honest.
We shall be responsible for our actions.
We shall be fair in all matters to all persons.
We shall be considerate of the happiness and well being of others.
We shall be reasonable in our actions.
We shall nurture these values by word & deed in our children, family, friends and acquaintances.
We shall not limit inquiring or testing by their consequences, on any matter, including these Commandments.

Moral Principles are Tedious

2007-09-13T12:24:00.001-05:00

At least, I'm finding it tedious to go through and think about them all, one by one, and am a bit frustrated that it could take a lifetime (or more) to come up with something by that method.

I think, instead, I'm just going to name 10 things and then, as I get time, examine other ideas and decide whether it's important enough to move up into the top 10. Maybe I'll keep a list of the others, just for reference.

So, quick, off the top of my head, without expecting they'll stand for long:

1. Seek the truth.
2. Be honest with oneself.
3. Act to make the best life possible for oneself.
4. Encourage others to seek truth.
5. Be honest with others.
6. Avoid harming others.
7. Seek to establish mutually beneficial relationships with others.
8. Encourage and help others to make the best life possible for themselves.
9. Work six days a week, but keep the seventh day as a day of rest and recharging.
10. Make the universe better in a meaningful way.

I was getting a little desperate towards the end there - hence the repetition of some, the weird thing about work and rest (Useful, certainly, but moral??), and the vagueness of the last one.
I'll get to describing and dissecting them later.

New Year's Resolution - Guitar

2007-09-12T15:05:00.000-05:00

I did it. I dusted off my guitar and learned a few chords. Actually, I've tried to learn a few chords before, but this is the first time I've picked it up and remembered one from the last time I attempted to get in the habit of practicing.

I don't know why it's so hard to get started. Once I start playing around, I love it. Even though I suck at it. I know it took me a little while to get the hang of changing notes when I learned flute, but this seems far more complicated, requiring much more fine motor control. It takes me forever to get my fingers to let go of the strings, rearrange themselves, then hold down the strings in different positions. It hurts too. And I can't hold down two strings with one finger. At least not yet. But still, I love the way it sounds when I get a chord right and strum it. I love the way it sounds when I've changed chords and strum. I think I might even remember 4 whole chords - G, A, D, and E minor. I'm working on Emin7 and Amin. That's enough to cover most of several songs I'd like to be able to sing. Woohoo! It's a start!

My question is, if there are any guitarists out there, how long does it take to get to where you can actually play 2 chords in a row without having to consciously stop and rearrange your fingers every time? Is there a practice technique to speed this up? Time to do some research...

The New Me

2007-09-12T14:59:00.001-05:00

Actually, it's the same old me, new photo:

http://beckyms.blogspot.com/2007/09/new-me.html

My first Robot

2007-09-11T09:13:00.000-05:00

I decided to browse the robotic kits and components available at my local Fry's store.

Since my mechanical experience is fairly limited (can you say mechanically DISinclined), I was pleased to see that there were simple kits for a mere $10 - screw-driver included! The screw-driver is important because I wouldn't be able to lay hands on one of my own very easily, but I didn't particularly want to have to buy another one because I can't find mine. This resolved the dilemma for me.

Anyway, here's some info about the kit:
Obstacle-Evading Mechanical Beetle Kit

I'll try to post a picture after I've got it built (no promises on when).

While looking around for a good description to share, I found a useful-looking article on how to make my own beetle robot from components. Maybe a good second project:
How to Build A Simple Robot Beetle

How to Build a Robot, Step 3: Define Robot

2007-09-07T13:54:00.001-05:00

This would ideally be Step 1.
My first stab at this was that a robot would be mobile. I didn't mean that it could travel, just that some movement was involved.

One definition I found mentioned it performing repetitive tasks, but it didn't mention what sort of tasks. A desktop computer performs many repetitive tasks, but I don't think I'd call it a robot.

Someone else had this to say about what a robot is:
In my opinion, a remote controlled car is not a robot since it has no brain of it's own. It has no way to make a decision on its own. If you want to build a machine that just responds to your remote control, then just use a remote controlled car or other toy.

To be a robot, it should have the ability to think - make decisions. This may sound hard at first, but really any small computer can be programmed to make decisions. Here is an example of a decision that a small robot with a feeble brain could make:
IF FRONT LEFT WHISKER SENSOR IS ON THEN
STOP, GO BACKWARDS 2 FEET, TURN RIGHT, CONTINUE.

I think something's missing here. A remote control vehicle can make decisions. It has instructions that are effectively:
If signal from controller is LEFT, THEN (turn left)...

I think the distinguishing feature here isn't the decision making but "decision making based on sensory input".

Even there, one might say that a robot has a special sensor - infrared or whatever it uses to receive signals from a controller. Then again, you could say that a radio is a robot.

Then maybe you'd need to add something else to the definition - motion. A robot is something that makes decisions about movement, based on sensory input and which doesn't require an operator.

Update: scratch the sensory input part, I think it could just be something (a machine) that is capable of movement and makes decisions about movement

How to Build a Robot, Step 2 Find a Robot Club

2007-09-07T13:09:00.000-05:00

Well, I don't know that it's necessary, but it'll probably be easier and more fun to have some assistance. Again, this post is mostly for the purpose of bookmarking the link for future reference.

Building a Robot, Step-1, Find good instructions

2007-09-07T13:03:00.000-05:00

Well, I don't know if they're "good," but I found some instructions on how to build a robot for under $50. I might not think about this again for a while, so I wanted to save the link for the next time I'm thinking about building a robot.

BTW, building a robot has been a nearly lifelong dream of mine. I can't remember when it first occurred to me to create one. It was probably near the time I saw Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. I was 7.

2007 Resolutions Review

2007-09-07T08:47:00.000-05:00

Somewhere in bloggerland, I saw a post about how a person does quarterly reviews of his personal development/growth. I like the idea.

Also, with Rosh Hoshanah (Jewish New Year) coming soon, I've been thinking about my New Year's resolutions. Not that I'm Jewish, mind you. I'm simply interested in ethics and philosophy and religious systems fit in with that. I also love making resolutions and seeing whether I've accomplished them. Of course, it's more fun when I have, but even when I don't, I learn something. Maybe to make more reasonable resolutions or to break up a resolution into smaller, more achievable goals.

Anyway, here's my status on this year's resolutions:

Priorities:
1. Have better relationships with family and friends.
This is hard to judge because it is a bit vague. I know things are better with some of my family members, especially my kids, because it just feels better to be with them. They seem happier overall. I feel happier around them overall.

I don't have many close friends. However, I've made a lot of progress in the area of more distant friendships- going out an meeting more people, making more of an effort to be more of a friend to more people.

I would say I'm well on my way to making things "better." I think I could still use a lot of improvement in this area, so I will probably want to continue next year.

I'll try to think of some specific, somewhat measurable things for next year... or maybe for the rest of this year.

I've been doing some study and practice on communication. I could come up with a goal like "Practice for an hour, once a week, on some of the concepts in Crucial Conversations". (Note to self, review this book!)
Oh, and I've been co-leading a study group on Nonviolent/Compassionate Communication. I think it's already helped some and we're going to be stepping up to do more practice at the next meeting. Exciting stuff!

2. Improve my health.
These are nice, measurable goals.

- Develop a habit of eating more fruits and veggies (with a goal of 5 per day).
Ok, I'm not quite up to target on this one, but I've made progress!

I eat a salad a few times a week. A year ago, I probably had a salad less than once a month. And that's pretty much the only way I have vegetables since I don't like any vegetable cooked (unless potatoes are veggies?? don't think so).

It's not quite 5 servings a day, but it is still a huge improvement. It's like, almost 5 servings a week! Looking at it mathematically, the previous standard was less than 1 serving a week. I've quadrupled that, at least! Go me!

- Continue exercising.
Err. Not doing as well on this. I've dropped Kung Fu due to knee problems and do Tai Chi once a week. Actually, I practice my Tai Chi briefly a few times a week. I'd like to be doing better/more than that, but at least I have continued to do something.

- Drop a clothing size (approx. 30 pounds.)
I don't think a clothing size is 30 pounds, but I definitely haven't made progress on this one. I think it's fairly reasonable and would happen if I also worked on the exercise goal more. Maybe I need something more specific in that area... like... 20 minutes of cardio or strength training, 3 times a week. Stretch goal: 20 minutes of cardio 3 times a week, 20 minutes of weight/strength training 3 times a week.

- Get HDL level up to 40 through supplements, diet, exercise.
Woot! I am doing very well on this one. I went from 23 on my HDL last fall to 32!! That's like... a 50% increase! Mostly I think it was through the exercise I did last fall and the Fish Oil capsules. I'm upping the dosage on that, so if I can just get myself exercising more, I'll bet I can break 40 by the end of the year!

3. Improve the aesthetics in my home. (fancy way of saying clean it up and decorate)
Well, considering the state my home was in when I planned this one, I'd say I've made enormous progress. If I do that about 5 times over, I'll have a nice place. So, good progress but LOTS more to do.

4. Improve my work ethic.
Terrible. I've definitely stalled out on this one. I'm better when it comes to home and family stuff but work, I mean my job, still needs a lot of improving.

"Extra Credit"-Study my electronics book and be able to explain the concepts in it and demonstrate them with hands on projects.
-Build a working robot.
-Write daily.
If you count emails, I do write almost daily. What I meant, though, was structured writing. This one is important to me. I really want to improve this more. I think I'll move it up to being a resolution with some subgoals.

-Improve my skill in drawing
Lower priority but likely to be fun when I get around to it.
- practice with the drawing without a model book and with portraits and occasional models.
-Improve Guitar skills.
Also important to me, but not as urgent. I did finally get a strap and a stand for my guitar as well as a chord book. I printed off some music. Now all I need is a music stand and I've got everything I need to practice. (Note to self: pick up music stand soon)

- Learn the different types of scales.
- Learn 12 new guitar chords.
- Learn 12 songs.
- Be able to know what note(s) is being played instantly - and recognize any chords I've learned.
-Write one song with a simple background.
This one is cheating a bit. I'd already written lyrics for half a song and have a tune in my head. I just need to figure out what notes I'm "hearing" and write them down and work out some good guitar to go with it. Still lots to do but something I'm optimistic about getting done in the next few years.

Secular Humanism: Negotiation and Compromise

2007-09-05T12:15:00.000-05:00

We cultivate the arts of negotiation and compromise as a means of resolving differences and achieving mutual understanding.

This affirmation surprised me a little. It hadn't occurred to me.

However, there will be differences among people, so it might be important to have some ideas about how to deal with those well. I brainstormed a list here, partly inspired by Biblical passages, and partly just random.

"Kill those who differ from you."
"Imprison those who differ from you."
"Scream loudly at those who differ from you."
"Whine about those who differ from you."
"Learn from those who differ from you."
"Go along with those who differ from you."
"Dialogue with, when possible, and come to better ideas with those who differ from you."

No more dating

2007-09-05T11:52:00.000-05:00

My brain hurts, so I'm going to move onto a different topic for a bit.

As I've mentioned before, I've been "dating" a little since the divorce and have found it to be a bit confusing and scary in some ways. Mostly, I've been afraid I'd hurt someone or disappoint them by losing interest in them. I guess that sounds arrogant or something, but really, it's just a sort of pickiness. I'm picky about food too. There are very few foods that I like, but I like them LOTS.

After dating a few people, I have finally bumped into a situation where I wasn't the one who lost interest first. Not that anything of that sort was said, just the impression I get when I don't hear from someone in a long while.

It was mildly disappointing, but, honestly, I'm not sure I would stay interested either. It didn't seem like we were entirely compatible, but it was still an interesting and enjoyable experience. I learned a lot from it.

Anyhow, I've decided to take advantage of this lull in people to focus on some other things for a while. Not that I'd turn down someone interesting if they fell into my lap... so to speak. I'm just not looking.

Anger - ramblings

2007-09-05T10:56:00.000-05:00

Just had a thought about this, that a component of anger is the idea that someone is making a choice to do something harmful to oneself or someone one cares about.

I have this theory that all people do the 'best' they can given their particular knowledge and experiences. True, they may have ideas about "better" things to do but they don't choose them. I think that would be because the choice doesn't solve some problem for them or they are lacking something in knowledge or skills or a perspective which would make the choice much more appealing. Perhaps they were also in distress and not able to access all their best ideas at a particular time.

So, theoretically, if I kept that in mind all the time, I shouldn't be angry at anyone, ever.

I might feel strongly that I should take some action to prevent further harm, feel frustrated, disappointed that things didn't go the way I'd hoped, but not anger.

I wonder if that's true and whether I could actually get to that state of mind.

Sometimes, another person's anger can be a catalyst for rethinking things, for looking at a problem a different way, or for temporarilyor permanently stopping some offensive action.

Perhaps, then, anger serves a purpose. Disappointment could also be catalyst for change?

I suppose disappointment would have an effect on many people, but what about someone who is lacking empathy? Anger, at least, could trigger some fear.

Can fear be a good thing? Temporarily, I'm sure it can. It could prevent a person from harming the one feared. However, it could also provoke reactions that would be harmful.

Anger could also trigger other feelings besides fear - anger, surprise, delight, etc. Some people seem to enjoy the power of triggering anger in someone else. I think that's why the advice to ignore a bully can be problematic. A bully wants to trigger fear... and maybe even anger. Or maybe they really just want to be noticed and would actually prefer an enthusiastic, positive reaction. If they are really needy for connection (even a bad connection) with others, then ignoring them could aggravate the problem.

One book I read about the subject recommended responding with humor and/or with firmness. This means the bully gets some sort of "connection" but the "victim" has some control over the type of connection. End of ramble.

Separation of Organizations (Moral Principles)

2007-09-05T10:10:00.000-05:00

After attempting to describe the terms "church" and "state" yesterday, I found myself stuck with some questions...

How is a non-profit or social action group different from a church?
The major difference would be that the non-profit or social action group is likely limiting itself to a particular issue and isn't taking a stance on all issues or making proposals about how government should be run generally. Still, there may be some groups that have a wider ethical base.

How is a corporation different from a church?
It is oriented towards gaining money in exchange for goods and services. A church generally needs money and offers services although the exchange isn't direct and isn't the main goal. The money is a means to supporting the members in their ethical improvement - not an end in itself.

Are there other organizations that should be kept separate from state or church?
I think so although it might be useful sometimes to hire corporations to handle certain aspects of government.

Why would it be good to separate organizations who share common moral beliefs from being part of a government or state?
Maybe so. I wouldn't want the Sierra Club, say, to be in charge of government - or even of environmental policy. I would prefer individuals who were selected and who can be unselected. Then again, if the club could be "unselected" as a whole, then I suppose it could be workable. It might even work better since you'd have a group of people who, presumably, have worked together and might be able to implement their policies more effectively. Maybe a useful principle would be that any organizations that are a part of a government should be subject to being voted out. I don't know, though, it seems a little risky. Then again, there's nothing to keep a majority of one religion or organization from getting themselves elected and effectively running the government.

Is the humanist affirmation about separation of church and state meaning "government" with the term "state"?
Yes, I think so. I like my description of state and found it fun to create, but I'm sure it was the wrong meaning for the affirmation.

I found an interesting article on some of these topics:

http://atheism.about.com/od/churchstate101/a/freespeech.htm

So, now, what do I think of the separation of church and state?
Short answer: probably safer than allowing them to merge too much, jury is still out on how much priority it should have

Separation of Church and State: Ten Moral Principles - Part 3

2007-09-04T14:49:00.000-05:00

I realize now that it is a bit ambitious to try to evaluate multiple principles in one post, so I'll try one at a time.

We are committed to the principle of the separation of church and state.

Like I mentioned before, I'm not sure whether politics would be in my top ten moral principles. Imposing principles - which ones and how - seems to assume there are some "basic principles." I think the basics would come first. I'll think about that an maybe right some more about it later.

For now, I'll just explore the idea itself.

Before I can get very far, I think I'll need some sort of working idea about what a "church" is and what a "state" is. These aren't meant to be definitions just descriptions of my understanding about them.

A church is a community of people who share beliefs about morality. Traditionally, people use it to also include people who share beliefs about metaphysics as well as ethics. More specifically, church's are groups of people who share a common belief in a supernatural being or... force... and in some basic moral principles. Still, there are churches where members share common moral beliefs while disagreeing about metaphysics - have differing views about a belief in the supernatural, whether there is a god/gods/goddess(es), whether they're good, whether there's an afterlife, etc. Some folks would say that it's more of a "social club" than a church. I think, though, that a social club is focused on relationships while a church would focus on the moral improvement of its members.

A state is also a community of people. Community members may share some basic beliefs about morality, but I think the focus is more on establishing and imposing rules. Frequently, the rules are based on moral principles. The rules might be imposed by a single individual or by mutliple individuals with or without the agreement of the people upon whom the beliefs are imposed.

Now that I've got some basic ideas about terminology, I'll save further exploration for another post.

Me - 2007

2007-09-03T14:56:00.000-05:00

Rebooting Humanism

2007-08-21T12:08:00.000-05:00

Basically, this little post is a sort of an elaborate bookmark for myself.

One thing that bothers me about the principles behind secular humanism is the anti-religion orientation. While I'm not a big fan of religion, I do happen to have friends who are religious and don't consider their belief in the supernatural nearly as important as some of their other qualities.

While I'd like to see religion go away, I think a lot is yet to be done in the area of ethics and, *gulp*, spirituality before giving up religion will be appealing to most people. I was pleased to see this article on the atheism.about.com website, discussing a proposal for a new, improved humanism.

In short, a re-booted humanism would recognize ethics and naturalism as its core. It would then be best defined as a sociopolitical philosophy, both democratic and non-hierarchal, which is informed by scientific naturalism, and promotes individual freedom, economic and social equality, human cooperation and planetary peace.

I traced it back to the original author's site, just in case he's written anything else interesting.

Ten Moral Principles Part 2 - Secular Humanism

2007-08-20T11:27:00.000-05:00

Looking for some inspiration about best moral principles, or revised TEN commandments, I want to take some time to look at the Affirmations of Humanism

We are committed to the application of reason and science to the understanding of the universe and to the solving of human problems.
Sounds good to me. I wouldn't have thought of it as a moral principle but maybe it is. An alternative might be following "God's will" or "We are committed to the application of God's will to the understanding of the universe and to the solving of human problems." However, since this is coming from a disbelief in God and a belief in the use of science and reason to understand things, including moral ideas, I suppose it really is a moral principle. Now, how to word it as a commandment.
"Thou shalt apply reason and science to understanding the universe and to solving human problems." I feel uneasy about putting "science" in there but I think it IS good to have something about practical, testable ideas, to commit to revising our ideas as we learn more. Then again, I rather like the idea of wording it as something one has chosen to do, so how about.
"I commit to using reason and science to aid in my understanding of reality and how to act on that knowledge."

I thought it best to leave off "human" because there is the slight possibility that there will be other creatures, intelligent or not, that I might run into problems about. Also, there may be other important things to consider in gaining knowledge of reality. For example, imagination can be extraordinarily helpful, but I don't know whether people would consider it "reason" or "science".

We deplore efforts to denigrate human intelligence, to seek to explain the world in supernatural terms, and to look outside nature for salvation.
I wouldn't use deplore. I also don't like the negative slant of this nor the presumption it makes about the truth about "supernatural." While I do think that everything is explainable, I'm not sure humankind will get to the point where everything is explained, and it may be useful to keep an open mind about difficult-to-explain things. For example, there may be beings with special abilities which might seem "beyond natural" to us. I think we're better off assuming there's some explanation but not better off assuming we can know what the explanation will look like. If there were some superly intelligent and benevolent beings, it might be "best" to follow their lead... treat them as something like gods. It wouldn't be outside nature, but it might not be entirely predictable by science. Maybe there should be a principle about having an open mind - supportive of creativity and imagination.

"I support intelligence and to act as if explanations of reality are possible and to look for them."
I think I want to reword the first principle to this:
"I commit to using reason, science, creativity, and imagination to aid in my understanding of reality and how to act on that knowledge."
"I will seek to explore new ideas as they come up and revisit old ones, for truth is not always obvious."

We believe that scientific discovery and technology can contribute to the betterment of human life.
I suppoe this is in contrast to avoiding science and technology. I think it's a bit redundant with the last few principles but possibly useful to have in mind as an implicaiton.

We believe in an open and pluralistic society and that democracy is the best guarantee of protecting human rights from authoritarian elites and repressive majorities.
I don't know about having politics as part of a philosophy. It seems like an area where there is so much yet to learn. Democracies aren't free from oppression although they may be the best we can do.

Whew, it's tiring work, thinking through these things. I'll have to take a break and come back to it another time.

The Revised Ten Commandments - Part 1

2007-08-15T16:13:00.001-05:00

If you had to pick the 10 most important moral laws for all of humankind to follow, what would they be?

I think it would be an interesting project to come up with my own list. I don't think I'm particularly qualified for this project, but I figure it never hurts to spend some extra effort thinking about ethics. Now, onto my first candidates - mostly inspired by the Bible's commandments.

Killing would be up there. I mean, a law about NOT killing others would be up there. Or maybe

"Thou shalt not kill humans or other sentient beings except in self-defense." Hmm. I think this would make abortions unlawful. I'm not sure where I stand on that. Definitely, I think a lack of killing of most humans would be up there as very important.

What else could be in the top 10?

"Thou shalt give me, the creator of these laws, half of all your wealth."

I don't think that one would go over very well and I guess wouldn't necessarily be helpful for the rest of the population besides myself. I guess I wouldn't want folks to do that if it meant they didn't do some other important things.

"Thou shalt not take slaves nor act in any way to take advantage of slave labor." I wonder why that isn't in the original - at least the first part of it. The Jewish people were even escaping slavery and yet Moses(or God if that's your belief) didn't put that in the top 10. Why not? I mean, isn't the freedom of people important? Apparently it wasn't then.

Ok, what else.

Lying. Well, I can think of good reasons to lie, but then I think the original commandment was something about not bearing false witness. That certainly seems good, but I'm not sure whether I won't think of others that are more important. I'll keep it in mind.

Envy. Coveting your neighbor's wife or husband or stuff. I don't really see how that's so terrible although I'd think there was something wrong with a person who felt they HAD to have those things to be happy. It'd be more productive to appreciate the good things another has and try to learn how to get good things for oneself. I'll have to put more thought into that one.

Thou shalt worship no other gods before me. I'd just throw that one out entirely, but I can't help thinking there's some way of thinking about it that might be useful. Like, one might do better to have some basic ideas/principles that are most important and maybe ONE that is most important. *note to self to continue pondering that one*

Honor thy parents. I'd question this one. Parents aren't always particularly nice people. You could have empathy or even sympathy for the hardships they may have had which contributed to their not being "nice" people, but I don't know if I'd call that honoring them. Also, I'm of the opinion that since parents have all the choices in deciding to have children, they have responsibility that goes with it. A child should be honored by being taken care of well. If all children were honored in this way, I think we'd progress a lot more as a species. OTOH, children can't learn to honor parents if parents don't teach them such things. Therefore, if I were to proclaim something like "Honor thy parents" it would be in the form of "Parents, treat your children such that they will honor you."

to be continued...

Peace, Justice, and Pacifism

2007-08-08T11:23:00.000-05:00

I had this sudden urge to defend my decision to include links to Peace organizations. For the time being, I am not a pacifist. I am very skeptical that the state of human knowledge about how to get along is so well developed that the use of defensive force, which might prove deadly, is never in order.

However, on a personal level, I don't want to be involved in the use of deadly force or in promoting it. I am interested in developing the sort of knowledge which might lead to a more peaceful and just humanity.

If I were a camera...

2007-08-08T11:16:00.000-05:00

I am a Disposable Camera. I need constant change and tend to avoid commitment. I like things no-frills and easy, and I don't want to mess with untidy and complicated details. If things get too stagnant, I look for stimulation in new areas. In a relationship, I am fun to date but unreliable.
How about you? Take the personality quiz and find out What Type of Camera Are You?

I must be getting flakey in my old age. I usually hate these little quizzes but suddenly I'm starting to find them appealing. I was looking for tips on video camera use for the access show I help out with at my church (a fairly unique, long-running public forum type thing). I got distracted from my search by the sudden urge to know what type of camera I am.

I think the test is a bit off. I really don't like disposable cameras. I prefer digital, so I can take all the pictures I want without having to print them all. The drawback is I don't have much patience for organizing all those photos into anything others might want to see...

The LJ blog feed

2007-06-14T15:47:00.000-05:00

was set up by a friend, so please note that I don't get notice of comments posted on the LJ site.

I only see comments posted on the blog unless I happen to remember to log in to LJ and check the feed. Since I get so few comments, I never think to look for them.

Selfishly Pleasing Others

2007-06-14T09:58:00.001-05:00

"...often when we believe we are thinking of others and putting their needs
first, we are really just trying to please - which means we
are really thinking about ourselves. "

http://www.easwaran.org/nilgiri.cfm/pageid:614

I admit it, I'm a people pleaser. Even when I was a rabid Objectivist and thought selfishness was a virtue and that people pleasing was not particularly good, I still enjoyed it. It seems I can't win.

I have to wonder at the alternative.
Does this mean that one should only do things one hates for the good of others, to be sure of truly being selfless?

Or is it "good enough" to avoid noticing whether one enjoys it or not? Or is the idea to be aware of what one enjoys (pleasing people, say) or not but not let it affect what one does?

I can't help thinking there's something missing in this.

Near misses

2007-05-23T08:50:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, I was driving home on the highway when I heard a loud bang and the squealing of tires and looked over to see a white truck swerving to the left and banging into the guard rail and the left rear tire exploding all over the road. I and the other drivers around me all managed to stop. I then watched as the truck bounced back out across the highway, doing an almost 360 before hitting the other rail - the one in front of me - with it's tail and then coming to a stop. Luckily, all three lanes were clear, the truck looked to be minimally damaged, and the two guys in it got out, looked at the tire and laughed (probably with relief). I can still see it. It was so weird having stopped and watching to see what would happen, knowing that it could still hit me but not being able to do anything.

Today, I was coming up to a light and stopped behind the cars in front of me as the light turned green. Then I heard a squealing of tires and a bang - unmistakeable sound of one car hitting another and looked in my rearview mirror. The vehicle behind me had just been rear-ended. I'm not sure, but I think it may have been a 3 car thing.

If I were superstitious, I'd wonder if it was all a warning - or maybe it meant I was being "protected" or maybe it was something about whether I should keep my old car - or whether I should finally break down and get a new used one.

Since I'm not superstitious, I am thinking that I need to make a decision soon because my tires are wearing thin. If I replace them, I will NOT get my money back, but I suppose my safety is worth it.

Innocent Children Imprisoned in the US!

2007-05-22T11:27:00.000-05:00

I attended a Public Forum with Speaker Barbara Hines, Clinical Professor of Law at the University of Texas School of Law's Immigration Clinic Sunday. Although I'm accustomed to seeing and hearing some very disturbing things at the Forum, her stories hit closer to home...

In my own country, in my own state, not even 3 hours away, innocent children are being kept in prison-like conditions.

"At the time of the ACLU's initial court filings, child detainees had to wear prison garb. They received one hour of recreation per day and opportunities to spend this hour outdoors were very rare. Children were detained in small cells for about 11 or 12 hours each day, and were prohibited from keeping food and toys in these cells, which lack any privacy. Although some of these conditions have improved slightly, they are still far from adequate."

http://www.aclu.org/immigrants/detention/28865prs20070306.html
http://www.aclu.org/immigrants/detention/hutto.html

Maker Faire Coming to Austin

2007-05-21T10:30:00.001-05:00

"A two-day, family-friendly event that celebrates arts, crafts, engineering, science projects and the Do-It-Yourself (DIY) mindset. It's for creative, resourceful folks who like to tinker and love to make things. We call them Makers."

http://makerfaire.com/

Perseverance

2007-05-17T08:22:00.001-05:00

Unknown Author

"When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit."
~ Unknown

Humanism: Is there a use for a soul?

2007-05-11T09:52:00.000-05:00

I've been attempting to take an email course on Humanism. I've been busy, so I haven't been so good about keeping up with the reading, but I'm saving the emails for pleasure reading when I have a free moment.

I was craving something interesting to think about today, so I decided to dig in a little and read the latest email. It was on the topic of souls. The article pretty well reflects my thoughts about souls.

What this means is that who we are is a function of our memories and our personalities, neither of which have any independent existence apart from our brains.
If either is altered sufficiently (whether through physical damage, hormonal imbalances, or some theoretical medical intervention), then the identity of the person in question will also be altered. It will, in effect, not be the same person anymore.

I don't believe in a soul in the religious sense nor in anything "supernatural", but I have taken to using the words "soul" and spirituality to mean something a bit different, and useful. I'm not entirely sure how I'd define them, but I'll attempt to describe them.

By soul, I mean something like the sum of ideas and emotions - my personality. However, soul gives a connotation, that I think fits something I sometimes want to express, which the word "personality" doesn't. "Soul" feels a bit more like saying "me" where personality feels like I'm describing something about me. My personality can change, it is an aspect of me, but not the sum total. Maybe what I mean is the soul is what makes "me" as distinct from someone else. My personality might change so much that I am in fact a different person. However, I'm still "me" (as opposed to any other human). Maybe it doesn't have a use that isn't already covered perfectly by "me" or "you". Still, soul has a sort of poetic/romantic feel that "me" or "you" doesn't have. It also might be that soul could apply to the personality + memories.

I have had the experience of knowing people who had changed so much in personality - or in memories - that they seemed like a different person. In one case, it was my grandfather, who'd suffered a stroke. For a while, it was very disconcerting seeing him and having the feeling that "he" wasn't there any more. I was very sad, thinking that in a sense, he was gone and I might never "see" him - the one I had known - ever again. Over time, I got to know him again, some of his old ways returned and it felt like "him" again. I think he was there all along, but I couldn't tell at first with the huge changes in him.

It means something to ME to say something like "feed my soul". I'd consider feeding it to provide it with good ideas, hugs from friends, etc. I don't know of another word that works quite so well. I wouldn't mind using a different word if it worked for what I want. Maybe "psyche"?

For myself, I don't mind borrowing religious terms and giving them a meaning that works for me - that help me relate to my religious friends and vice versa. I probably would be more careful about using such a term with someone who might misunderstand it, but my friends and I seem to understand each other just fine.

Day #396

2007-05-03T11:37:00.000-05:00

Of what, I don't know. The number just popped into my head and I went with it. Originally, I was thinking about the episode of Star Trek TNG where Wesley meets an attractive, intelligent young woman who keeps a list of rules going and makes up some new ones while she gets to know Wesley. They also manage to resist the urge to start playing the new game that's got everyone on the ship addicted, figure out some sort of evil plot, and manage to overthrow it. I miss that girl - and Wesley - and the whole crew. I think I cried when the series ended - or I wanted to anyway.

Really, though, I wanted to put the day of the year, but I'm too lazy to figure it out.
End log.

I can already feel the sand

2007-05-03T11:07:00.000-05:00

under my feet. That's right, we're headed to the beach!! Woohoo!!

I used to have dreams of going to the beach that were so real, I could "feel" the sand squishing between my toes. I can still "feel" it if I imagine well enough.

How to stop hating

2007-05-03T08:50:00.000-05:00

I accidentally hit upon a solution to this puzzle. I've been trying to get over this feeling for quite some time but was really stuck with it. It seemed like an unhealthy fixation, and I don't think it is limited to a particular person. It's occasionally come up with other people.

It seemed to me that at the root of the problem is that at a certain level, I admire(d) the particular person I "hate" and yet they have done something to hurt me or attack me. I think my feelings are different when someone attacks me and I have no regard for them or think their words had no significance or truth. If I actually have some regard for a person, it cuts much deeper.

What's had me stuck was the feeling that the (verbal) assault from this person wasn't entirely without basis - that I somewhat deserved it - and that even if it wasn't the most productive way to handle things with me, it was "understandable."

In fact, it was quite understandable given the situation. I was in the wrong. And yet, I was literally stuck that way - not really having the energy or know-how to do any better. Worse, I had the feeling that I might NEVER be able to do any better.

The "good" part about being yelled at was feeling that the person not only thought I could do what I wanted to accomplish... the person thought it was something I had readily in my grasp. In a strange way, it WAS motivating and encouraging. However, it didn't really solve the problem - and the problem was more than a lack of motivation - it was a lack of knowledge and resources and confidence AND a general lack of motivation. In fact, I'm not sure I know even now. I've found ways to work around the problem. I've found ways to improve things, but I still don't know how to solve it entirely.

Being attacked seemed like it might motivate me to make a change. I certainly tried to see it that way. Still, it seemed that there might have been some better, more helpful way to go about this.

I've thought through all this before and stopped. I stopped because I thought it was useless to figure out what "should" have been done because, well, it's too late for that. And here's where the breakthrough came in:

It occurred to me that maybe there WAS something the person could do that would change things for me. But what if they weren't willing? Well, then, I realized, I could do it for myself.

I've done thought experiments like this before. There's an interesting website out there somewhere that even goes into great detail about how people usually have more than one "subself" and can actually carry on "conversations" between different subselves. I don't know whether I'd agree with the theory, but I think it's a useful and interesting exercise to attempt anyhow. Another experiment I've done, at the suggestion of a friend, was to think about a painful/difficult memory from when I was a child and imagine I could talk to that child ... as an adult with the knowledge and compassion I have now. It was an amazingly comforting and helpful thing.

I thought about what I would want the person to do to "make up" for what they did. I thought about "I'm sorry" and it did nothing for me, so I tried thinking about what I'd want to have happened instead...

I realized that I'd want them to give me a big hug and say "you can do it", "don't give up", and "keep trying, you'll find a way". I think I'd have done just about anything for some real human contact right then. There were some other very negative interactions with this person around the same time and thinking through what I needed, what I wanted from 'someone' has been very moving... and healing. I never thought I'd turn out to be one of those wimpy whiny people who talks about healing, but it doesn't feel so wimpy...

As silly, or obvious, or trite as all this may sound, it has made a big difference to me.

I think really part of the problem is I'd like to have a good relationship with this person and sense that we "could" have a really great friendship. I know it's in there somewhere, but instead I feel rejected - unaccepted. That doesn't mean I don't feel worthy. I know I am and I don't think making mistakes - even attacks - necessarily means someone isn't worthy. It just means they don't quite know how yet.

One last thing, I have one reader who tends to think that when I write something negative, it's about her, but it's not. I don't hate her and never have. She just seems like she needs lots of hugs and some real friends.

It's not likely that the people this is about will ever read it.

Married, Divorced, and Dating

2007-05-02T16:44:00.001-05:00

I don't know how much I've mentioned about this here before, but I went through a divorce a few years ago. I was married two days before my 19th birthday and my ex filed for the divorce 13 years later - almost to the day.

We met 2 days before my 16th birthday and declared ourselves a "couple" a week or so later, so, in all, we were "together" for over 15 years - half our lives (he's a year younger than I). I don't want to get into the details of that here. I'm more interested in what's happened since.

I dated one other person before I met my ex but had no committed relationships before that (unless you count the boyfriend I had for a few months when I was 7 years old - before he moved away). I never did much "dating" until after the divorce and I still haven't done much.

In some ways, I'm still a teenager in this respect. I have very little experience with looking for potential partners or distinguishing between people who might be good friends vs. something more. I'm not just inexperienced with dating, I've been fairly limited in regard to making close friends as well. I have lots of friendly acquaintences - people that I like and who are encouraging and nice but very very few of people I'd call "close friends" - people I could count on if I needed help. Neither, to be fair, am I a particularly good friend to many people.

Anyway, on the subject of dating (and maybe on friendships):

The hardest thing for me at first was worrying about what I'd do if I am interested in someone but then find that I've changed my mind - and they haven't. I hated the thought of breaking it off with a "nice" person.

Recently, though, I realized that people get over stuff - especially if it's sooner rather than later. Most healthy people aren't going to even be bothered about it for more than a day or two (assuming, like I said, it's early in the relationship). If they aren't healthy, well, dating them isn't likely to help with that either - although friendship might.

It may seem like obvious to some people, but, like I said, I'm not very experienced with this sort of thing.

Of course, there's the flip side. What if I get really interested in someone and the feeling isn't mutual? I don't think I'd be heartbroken if I find out early on. Even later, I've made it through the breakup of a 15 year relationship, surely I'll manage.

So now, the latest thing I wonder about is "What if they're really not interested in an intimate relationship but still want to be friends?" I think I'd find that difficult because I'd feel that the relationship was limited right from the start. I've been friends with people I was interested in before, and eventually my enthusiasm just wears thin. Then again, maybe that's just because the relationship didn't have enough substance to really continue anyway (and the person, wisely, sensed it). Besides, short term relationships can be wonderful, growthful, healthy experiences.

I have a lot more questions/puzzles when it comes to friendships, but I'll save them for another time.

The Joy of Hate

2007-05-01T22:25:00.000-05:00

I recently did some personal writing where I was examining my feeling of "hating" another person. It's not common for me to feel that way about someone. I'd rather not feel it for anyone, and yet, I had to admit to myself that there was something enjoyable about it. Mind you, it's not that I'd want to see the person harmed. It's more of a feeling that I'd have been better off NOT knowing them although I'm not sure I really think that's true. I learn a lot from meeting people who challenge my ideas - even I never come to agree with them. Even if I "hate" them. Maybe what I mean by hate is a bit different than the usual meaning. It doesn't mean I want to see bad things happen to them - it's just that I want to see them be a better person, AND they seem capable of it.

I've thought this about anger before. I think anger comes when you think something could potentially by different, that someone is capable of doing better and is not. It is a feeling that something can change. It can also be a refusal to accept reality as it is...

Dear Easter Bunny

2007-03-31T20:52:00.000-05:00

I ran across an old note I wrote when I was 7 or so...

Dear Easter bunny
Thank you Easter bunny.
I like you. I Thank you for your eggs.
I like them. And I like you.
from your friend Rebecca.

I know I'm biased, but... isn't that cuuuute?

Go ME!! 108 Forms achieved

2007-03-30T09:37:00.000-05:00

I did it! I did it! I forgot to post about it Sunday, but I have finally, after 8 months (with quite a few missed weeks due to instructor or I being sick or out of town), I have finally been trained on all 108 Forms of the Wu Style Tai Chi that I started on in July last year. This is the longest I've ever stuck to any kind of regular exercise, so I'm very pleased with myself about it.

I usually only attend once a week although I attended twice weekly for the first few months. I must say, it has really contributed to my having much more energy. I've enjoyed it so much that I tried out a few other martial arts including Yin Style Bagua and Northern Shaolin type Kung Fu/Wushu. It's a struggle to do much of the Wushu with only attending once a week or so, but every time I go, I can tell I've made some improvement. I may not be the "best" student, but I certainly have made huge progress since the days when I wondered if I'd even survive through the hour and sore for the next week.. Now I only feel dizzy at times (usually just when doing cartwheels) and tired in the evening after. I had a class last night and went to bed early, but now I'm feeling energized - and a tiny weensy bit sore.

On Being Shallow

2007-03-30T09:29:00.000-05:00

Or maybe it's selfish. I guess shallow would be having no depth to one's understanding while one could be selfish and still care about things or have a deeper understanding of things.

Anyhow, I don't know that I'm particularly more "selfish" than average. It just has always seemed to me that if one really believed in equality and "unselfishness", then one wouldn't have much of anything and would live like a beggar, so anyone short of a beggar, at this point, would have to have some level of selfishness. Most people don't seem to have any problem with being selfish in those terms.

I don't think it makes sense to be angry at people for making millions or billions. If someone had 10 billion dollars and gave them all away, that'd be what, less than $1.50 for each person on earth - not likely to improve life for much of anyone. Then again, if the $10 billion went to say, 1 million of the world's poorest, that might make a big difference to a big number of people....

Equality

2007-03-30T09:10:00.000-05:00

It doesn't seem so bad now but still, the idea of say, giving half of everything I have to someone so we could be "equal" doesn't sound nice for me. OTOH, I guess it'd be nice if someone wealthier gave half the difference between our wealths to me.

Should equality apply to material wealth? Should people who work "harder" have more wealth? Should the two be linked at all?

People seem to work less hard when they don't think they'll get rewarded for it. I've always thought of that as a good argument against socialism and "sharing the wealth", but I wonder if it's nicer to live in a society that's actually less well off overall materially but more "equal" in terms of material wealth. I don't know about that. It seems like even societies that attempt to do that have some really difficult problems to face as well. For example, in the UK, some people receive fertility treatment paid for via government programs and yet glasses - something I'd consider a necessity - are NOT covered.

More paths

2007-03-19T21:41:00.000-05:00

I have too much on my mind to sleep, so here I am to ramble some more.

Thinking more about paths, I suppose people aren't actually on the same path. They might be walking along side each other and that may actually work better for avoiding collisions than lots of people on paths going different directions that do crisscross - unless collisions are actually a good thing. I don't know why that would be - except that they might be interesting if one were particularly bored.

Boredom, I hate it. I think sometimes I stir up problems just to keep from being bored. I often find people boring if I have to talk to them more than briefly. Otoh, I often find it interesting to briefly talk to someone new... ok, to bed for real this time.

Ramblings on Destiny, Sacrifice, and Ethics

2007-03-19T21:11:00.000-05:00

I have often thought of other people as being on a path that I didn't have the right to alter. I might offer the idea of an alternative path if the person seemed so inclined but to be pushy or persuasive about it would be attempting to make my path theirs. It seemed disrespectful and just plain wrong. After all, I don't really know for sure what path is the best possible for them or for mankind or the universe. Even wars, in all their misery, have resulted in good "ends". Whether the ends would have been better achieved some other way - well, that's hard to say.

Some of the freed slaves of the South might not have better lives and sometimes even worse lives in terms of necessities like food, shelter, and clothing. Still, the generations that followed may have had better lives, and the generations after that, even better. At least some of them. Does the betterment of the later generations justify the sacrifices of their elders? Does the improvement in life for one person justify the impoverishment or just "less nice" life of another? If it's a small impoverishment for a big improvement? Or is equality really what it's all about? Equality bugs me. But maybe that's just because I'm from a country that's wealthy and would probably be much worse off if everything were equal. Not that I'm particularly wealthy. Does improving life for everyone actually matter at all in the scheme of the universe? I suppose it matters to me and to a lot of people. I guess that's what matters.

Back to the idea of paths in life. Maybe it's better to cross as many as possible and get everyone going all over the place :) Oh, but then they might bump into each other lots and get hurt. I'll have to think about this more some other time when I'm not quite so *yawn* sleepy. Good night.

Resolutions2007 - Improving Work Ethic and Enjoying Work

2007-01-17T16:30:00.000-06:00

It just occurred to me that part of improving work one's work ethic may involve learning to enjoy the work more. So? Work - what's so good about it? Well, for one, it's something to do. One thing I really hate is having nothing to do. That rarely happens. I usually have ton of things to do, but occasionally I've been stuck somewhere that I couldn't "work" on anything and had to just sit and wait. I probably should think about how to enjoy that too. One thing at a time.

2007 Resolutions

2007-01-02T21:55:00.000-06:00

I got a bit carried away with relaxing and having fun New Year's Eve, so I'm a bit late about working out my resolutions. For now, I'm just going to post a quick list. Later, I'll refine them and make more specific goals out of them.

Priorities:

1. Have better relationships with family and friends.

2. Improve my health.
- Develop a habit of eating more fruits and veggies (with a goal of 5 per day).
- Continue exercising.
- Drop a clothing size (approx. 30 pounds.)
- Get HDL level up to 40 through supplements, diet, exercise.

3. Improve the aesthetics in my home. (fancy way of saying clean it up and decorate)

4. Improve my work ethic.

"Extra Credit"
-Study my electronics book and be able to explain the concepts in it and demonstrate them with hands on projects.
-Build a working robot.
-Write daily.
-Improve my skill in drawing - practice with the drawing without a model book and with portraits and occasional models.
-Improve Guitar skills.
- Learn the different types of scales.
- Learn 12 new guitar chords.
- Learn 12 songs.
- Be able to know what note(s) is being played instantly - and recognize any chords I've learned.
-Write one song with a simple background.

Last Year's Resolutions in Review

2007-01-02T21:42:00.000-06:00

Research Secular Humanism and meet some humanists. - done
Research Unitarian Universalists and meet some. - done
Develop a habit of exercising 3 times per week with family and friends. - partly done - exercise yes - not always with family/friends
Develop a habit of eating more fruits and veggies (with a goal of 5 per day). - needs work
Research the Ten Commandments and be able to describe and explain them. - done
Study my electronics book and be able to explain the concepts in it and demonstrate them with hands on projects.
Build a working robot.
Write daily.
Improve my skill in drawing - practice with the drawing without a model book and with portraits and occasional models.
Learn 10 guitar chords. Learn 2 songs. - partly done
Learn 10 piano chords. Learn 2 songs.
Practice singing daily for at least 5 minutes. Write one song with a simple guitar chord background (perhaps a holiday piece).
Clear clutter out of the house.
Assign spots for all items in the house.
Refinance the house.
Give more attention and time to family and close friends.

Amazing progress in HIV prevention, Killing

2006-12-31T09:55:00.000-06:00

I love technology. Sometimes the usefulness of particular things is questionable, but I figure they're just part of getting to the really good things. It's so great, when frequently surrounded by people who think the world is going to hell, to see something like this! Yay! Woohoo!!

Can you imagine? Wiping out a disease like AIDS?! Well, this may not quite do that, but it definitely has the potential. There are a lot of other great things being created all the time. I only heard about this one because I noticed a funny button on my Firefox - "Latest Headlines" it said. Curious, I clicked on it, and it seemed to be a bookmark type list of headlines - including the one about AIDS. I think I've noticed the button before and then forgot about it until today. Handy thing it is. I'll have to remember it better. Of course, the majority of the headlines were bad news - bombings, killings, the body of Saddam Hussein being laid to rest.

I watched a clip of the video of him being led to the execution room. I've sometimes thought that if I had the opportunity to kill a murderer - to prevent him from causing more deaths, that I would do it. Watching him, though, I'm not so sure anymore. He just looked like a regular man - a bit sad. I realized that I don't think I'd be able to kill someone unless they were an immediate threat. Even then, I'm not so sure.

When I was in high school, I was supposed to collect and kill insects for science class. I found a little greeen bug and put it in a jar and dropped the alcohol soaked cotton ball in with it and closed the lid. It struggled to get out. I watched it thinking that if it was going to die by my hand, I should at least have the courage to watch. I couldn't do it. I let the bug go. I think it died anyway, but it did not become part of my collection. My mother had to kill the rest of them for me. I didn't like that she did it. I wondered if it would have been better to fail. Back to Saddam...

I was afraid for a moment that they would show the actual hanging. I was going to turn it off before that. It seemed disrespectful somehow. Then the correspondent said that the network had chosen not to air images of the body or the death.

I wondered if I had it right the first time. Maybe it's more respectful to actually witness what is going on with seriousness and even empathy. Some people might say that some individuals don't deserve to be treated with dignity. I'm not sure what to think of that. It's hard to say what other people "deserve". I don't usually have the desire to treat people any other way - unless I feel immediately threatened. Then it's more a matter of self-protection than consideration for dignity or an attack on dignity.

I've wondered what Saddam might have been like as a child. I was thinking that no infant, as far as I know, was ever "evil" or destructive of others. Neither are children up to age 5 or so generally. Sometimes when I think people might be born "bad", I think about that. Even the children that indeed do terrible things aren't necessarily considered "evil". It seems more like someone failed to care for them and guide them. It's hard for me to understand how it happens that so many adults and even teenagers turn out to be more violent. Maybe they're just big enough to get away with it easier?

Me? A dragon? Eragon and Superman - spoilers

2006-12-31T09:12:00.000-06:00

I noticed the book, Eragon, a year or more ago and kept thinking it looked like something my daughter and I would like. I finally bought it for her, but it's been sitting around for months unread.

I didn't know the movie was coming out until I saw previews for it recently. I hate reading a book before seeing the movie because I then tend to find the movie shallow and disappointing compared to the depth usually found in a book. I thought it would be nice to spare us that (and encourage her to pick up the book), so I took my daughter to see Eragon last weekend. I knew we'd love it, and I wasn't disappointed!

Briefly, the boy, Eragon, finds a "stone". It "hatches" unexpectedly and he soon realizes it's a dragon! I love the scene where Eragon climbs on the dragon and then gets to look over a cliff just before the dragon takes off! I hope there's a sequel because it ended with some very interesting unfinished business.

I think the movie likely inspired a fun flying dream I had the night before last. At first, I was like a fly on the wall observing a "family" of dragons or flying dinosaurs. The father dragon/dino was large and black and seemed a bit scary. It seemed like he might kill his young if he didn't approve of them. The parents were taking the offspring out for flying practice. They were intelligent creatures who could talk, walk upright, and the wings looked a bit like bat wings so that when the dragons lifted their arms/front legs, the wings spread from front to bottom legs. Suddenly, I was one of the offspring - the oldest - and was flying over the water slightly behind "father". It was fantastic! I dream of flying fairly often. Sometimes I have fun dreams of being telekinetic. I love those sorts of dreams, but I don't think I've ever dreamed of being a dragon before. What a blast!

Speaking of flying, I saw Superman Returns yesterday. I wasn't thrilled with Lois. The actress seemed perfectly nice, but she was and young... and soft! She just didn't have the obnoxious, in-your-face New York toughness that the original Lois had. They both seemed much younger than the actors were in the original movies. Superman/Clark seemed different too. I think the differences with him were more believable and an improvement. Besides, he's gorgeous! Christopher Reeves was handsome, but the new guy is downright beautiful. His acting had some nice subtleness to it. I suppose that could be the case with the new Lois, but with her it was just a bit too much of a personality shift. It's still an excellent movie and she seems a good actress, it just doesn't quite fit with the old movies.

Leaving on a Jet Plane - Fun to Sing

2006-12-29T09:36:00.000-06:00

I've had this song stuck in my head lately. It's the first song I'm learning on my new guitar. It's even invading my dreams. I dream about going on plane trips, forgetting to buy the plane tickets, the plane getting delayed, etc.

I found a nice little clip of John Denver singing it on You Tube. I always thought it was a bit of a boring song, but I would find myself singing along just the same.

Some songs are just more fun to sing than to hear.

A lot of popular pop songs seem to be written with this understanding. If you look at the lyrics, there may be one or two unique verses and the rest is the same verse over and over. Who cares to hear the same verse 3 to 5 times? No one. The point isn't to listen to the whole song. You might listen to the unique parts and the first chorus. By the third verse you're singing along. Once you start singing, you're having fun and don't necessarily want to stop, so the singer obliges you by repeating it a few more times. At least, that's my experience.

Of course, there are songs that don't follow this trend. One of my favorite bands to have more "unique" lyrics is Rush. After a while, though, I tend to get tired of listening and Rush really isn't easy to sing along with. One exception is The Trees. It makes for a lovely lullaby (Ok, so it's a bit scary at the end to sing to a baby, but then so is "Rock-a-bye baby").

Commandments Six through Ten

2006-12-28T21:57:00.000-06:00

Well, the end of the year is coming up fast, and since the rest of the commandments are fairly straight-forward, I'll list them here:

6. Thou shalt not kill.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
8. Thou shalt not steal.
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor's.

I think I have a rough understanding of them. What I don't have is a way to remember them. I've tried to come up with one word to represent the basic concept of each of them...
1. first
2. images
3. vain
4. Sabbath
5. parents
6. kill
7. adultery
8. steal
9. false
10. covet

I don't have any particular reason for deciding to learn this. I see it as part of getting a better understanding of the world's religions - starting with the one I'm exposed to most.

Third, Fourth, and Fifth Commandments

2006-12-05T10:34:00.000-06:00

(Part of my series of posts on The Ten Commandments)

I made a New Year's Resolution to learn the commandments and to be able to explain them. There are multiple translations and ways of breaking the text into commandments. I've chosen to learn a Protestant version.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain: for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labor, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

5. Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

[Exodus 20]

These don't seem particularly difficult to understand. I don't know exactly what is meant by "honor", but I am guessing it's something along the lines of the first definition from Dictionary.net:
1. Esteem due or paid to worth; high estimation; respect; consideration; reverence; veneration; manifestation of respect or reverence.

The Second Commandment

2006-11-23T19:13:00.000-06:00

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And showing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

What's a graven image? An idol. At least, that's what the dictionary says.

I don't understand the idea of not making likenesses of things in heaven, below the earth, or in the water under the earth. I was assuming this meant the oceans? Does this mean no statues of whales but dogs are ok? What is meant by "under" the earth? Is that different from oceans?

Then it goes on some more about not worshiping or bowing to "graven images" or "likenesses".

Doesn't being a "jealous" god imply something to be jealous of? Does that mean god is here admitting the existence of other gods and wants us to be monotheistic?

Readerware for the Book Collector

2006-11-22T13:41:00.000-06:00

I used to have it as a goal of mine to collect as many books as did Thomas Jefferson - or at least as many as he sold to the Library of Congress. I read somewhere that he sold some 5,000 volumes to the Library of Congress after the original library burned down.

I was well on my way with this project when it occurred to me to catalog the books. I used a spreadsheet. At first, I tried to look at each book and type in all the information I could find about it - the title, author, publisher, copyright date, categories, current list price, price paid, when purchased, etc...

This was very tedious and I didn't get very far. I switched to simply typing in all the titles I knew I had just to get started (minus most of the other info). After a few hundred, I got tired of the project. It did give me quite a perspective on just how many 5,000 books is. I think I counted something in the hundreds - and that took up 9 bookcases! Although a few were half-sized, that's still a lot of books!

I started to realize that 5,000 books would take up more space than I could really afford (not that I could afford all those books either!) Plus, moving with so many books was horrible. I sold off a large number of them and I'm down to roughly 3 bookcases worth. I take advantage of the library sometimes when I really "need" a book fix. Otherwise, I try to only own books that I am likely to refer to over and over again.

Still, sometimes I think longingly of my dream home - a place with a 5,000+ volume libary. This readerware seems just the thing I needed to get my collection organized. It even works with barcode scanners/readers. It reminds me of when I was a kid and would look through the Sears catalog pointing out all the things I wanted for Christmas - "I want this and this and this and this". I rarely got much of what I pointed out, but it was fun to think about anyway.

FlyLady Day 1

2006-10-24T11:19:00.000-05:00

Judging by the state of the clutter in my home, I'm in dire need of some housecleaning inspiration. A long time ago, I made some amazing progress in this area with the help of FlyLady but I haven't kept up with it in a while, and it shows.

Who is FlyLady? She's the one who set up a website and email list full of reminders and inspirational messages about house cleaning, designed for people, like herself, whom she calls "born disorganized". Not that her techniques couldn't work for the "born organized". But organized people just aren't as likely to need them.

The problem I've had with getting back into her system is that her webpage is, well, cluttered. Maybe cluttered isn't the right word. All the information is useful, but it's a bit overwhelming.

Luckily, she has a nice side link for beginners. It's set up with instructions for each of the first 31 days. Beginners used to get an email with 3 days worth of instructions. It will be interesting to see how the new structure works out.

Today, I'm going to start with number 1: SHINE YOUR SINK.

500 Generic Prescriptions for $5 each

2006-10-24T08:53:00.000-05:00

No, I this isn't spam. I'm just amazed by this latest announcement by HEB. HEB is a large chain of discount grocery stores here in Texas and Mexico.

The discount comes with using the Rx card. I haven't seen what the price for the Rx card is yet, if there is a fee. Even if there is some sort of monthly membership, $5/prescription is a good deal for people with multiple prescriptions - possibly even less than a typical copay. They would also be offering huge discounts (up to 50%) on other prescription drugs.

HEB isn't the only one offering low cost health products. Walmart just announced $4 prescriptions last week and I've seen articles about Walmart offering low cost health care.

Walking the Circle

2006-10-23T13:16:00.000-05:00

It was a cool, crisp morning with a light breeze. There was a forest. A stream flowed nearby. Then I saw caves with fires for light and warmth. It was actually a fountain flowing into a swimming pool, some buildings, and a pavilian with propane lanterns. They were too high and too small to actually be warm. It was a bit disappointing, but still a beautiful day and a beautiful place.

We did some drills - striking, blocking, and even a bit of kicking. Finally, I worked on walking the circle. This is supposed to be the basis of Bagua, so I tried to approach it seriously. Still, how hard could walking in a circle really be? I tried bending my knees more. Then it was a bit more difficult. I held my arms toward the inside of the circle - one hand up and one to defend the elbow area. It was a bit more difficult. Every few rotations, I'd get dizzy and change directions. I wonder if I'll build tolerance to the dizziness. I wonder why it's supposed to be a circle.

Somehow I had envisioned the circle being larger when I first heard of this practice. I imagined monks walking slowly and carefully over painted lines. I don't know why I thought of paint. I also thought of something like those labyrinths that are so popular these days.

After a while of circle walking, my legs were getting tired. A while longer and my arms and shoulder started to ache. They were still sore the next day, and my ankles are still sore two days later. I guess it was more of a workout than it seemed.

Tao Te Ching, 8

2006-10-23T12:54:00.000-05:00

The supreme good is like water,
which nourishes all things without trying to.
It is content with the low places that people disdain.
Thus it is like the Tao.

In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don't try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.

When you are content to be simply yourself
and don't compare or compete,
everybody will respect you.

-from Tao Te Ching, A New English Version by Stephen Mitchell

Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

2006-10-23T06:24:00.000-05:00

I was looking through my New Year's Resolutions. One of them was to be familiar with the Ten Commandments. I started some research into them and discovered some interesting things about them, but they aren't yet familiar.

Towards the end of being familiar, I intend to go through the text line by line.

Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
I find it interesting that it refers to the (possible) existence of other gods and accepts them. It doesn't say that there are no other gods or that they should not be worshipped - only that this God commands that he/it come first.

S. 3930: Military Commissions Act of 2006

2006-10-19T15:30:00.000-05:00

I've been hearing and getting email about this for a while now. I don't know what to think of it yet.

I haven't read the bill.

Reading the bill wouldn't be enough to understand it anyhow. There are plenty of laws that don't get enforced or get enforced in ways that seem contrary to their wording.

Without getting into the bill just yet, I'd like to explore some related issues.

Is torture always wrong?

I can imagine scenarios where I would think it "might" be the least worst option, but it's difficult.

If I knew beyond all doubt that torturing someone would uncover information that could save millions of lives, I might be willing to do it. It would be a terrible situation to be in. I'd try to find some way to avoid it. I might put off doing it for so long that I'm too late to save anyone. I don't know whether I'd actually be able to do such a thing - even for a million people.

Most cases aren't so clear cut. An individual may or may not have such information, and torture may or may not succeed in obtaining it.

I also wonder about what torture does to the torturer. One would have to maintain a degree of indifference about or even enjoy the pain of others. Is this a good thing to encourage in anyone?

Zombie Rights March Protested by Pirates

2006-09-29T08:56:00.000-05:00

I love my city.

2006-09-22T21:21:00.000-05:00

Wushu

2006-09-22T10:52:00.000-05:00

Now that I've been learning Tai Chi for a few months, I felt brave enough to attempt a Wushu Kungfu class.

If I had to pick just one word to describe that experience it would be:

OUCH!

The first few minutes involved a bit of mild warming up and stretching. Then the drills began. They didn't LOOK that difficult. I mean, anyone can jump up in the air, kick out, and land again without even breaking a sweat. At least, I could when I was 16 and weighed about half what I do now (lucky for me I was a STICK back then or nearly doubling my weight wouldn't be a laughing matter). Nevermind doing variations of that for 30+ minutes.

By the time we stopped to stretch again, my legs felt like rubber. It was a weird experience to take a step and wonder if my legs were going to collapse under me or not. If I hadn't been so exhausted (and a bit self conscious about being the most out of shape person in the group), I would have found it funny. As for the stretching itself, it was nice to have one thing that I do fairly well. I can still "nearly" do the splits even though I haven't any done serious stretching in over 15 years.

Finally, we started working on forms. Of course, I was so exhausted by then that things that really ARE normally easy were difficult.

My class was Monday. Today is Friday, and I'm still sore. I can hardly wait for my next class Monday!

Creativity

2006-09-20T11:30:00.000-05:00

What is creativity?

Is it related to intelligence?
Intelligence is the ability to learn. It also implies a certain amount of knowledge.
Creativity has to do with making up knew knowledge or applying it in new ways - which also implies making up new knowledge.

How does one go about making knowledge?
Mistakes? The willingness to make a mistake?
The willingness to give up or challenge one's assumptions?
Awareness. Awareness of one's assumptions. One can't really challenge assumptions one doesn't know one has.

When stuck, some of my best ideas have come from saying something really silly, something ridiculously impossible - and then realizing that some variation of it might be possible after all.

Tai Chi

2006-09-20T11:18:00.000-05:00

OMG. I just read the previous post again. I'm starting to sound like one of those girls who can only talk about shopping, hair, and makeup! Ugh. Except I forgot to talk about hair, makeup, and Tai Chi.

I'm skipping to Tai Chi today to make up for that last fluff piece:

reprinted (with some edits) from an email, Wednesday, August 23, 2006
When I first decided to learn more about Tai Chi, I thought it would be
a good way to work on my concentration and fitness and maybe relieve a
bit of stress.

I thought of Tai Chi because of a book I read when I was a teen. It was
about a woman who is framed for murder by the mob. She gets sent to
prison and has a rough time there and is sent to solitary confinement
for a long while.

It was called "If Tomorrow Comes"

http://www.imdb. com/title/ tt0090455/ plotsummary

Tracy, the main character is stuck in isolation at
prison. She does some sort of exercises during her
month of darkness and isolation. Instead of stumbling
out of her month of isolation, she walks out serenely
and in good mental and physical shape. I think that's
where I first heard of Tai Chi.

I would go on about the movie/book - it was a learning
experience in itself, but I want to go on about Tai
Chi now.

I recently read an article about it that explained Tai
Chi Chuan meant "Supreme Ultimate Boxing". I've also
heard it called something like "Supreme Ultimate
Fist". It said that Tai Chi is actually a martial art
meant to train one for killing.

We've definitely learned some practical applications
for the movements within our lessons, but I can't
remember them well enough to make much use of them
yet. It has got me paying more attention to
balance - my center of balance, how I walk, etc.

My instructor has talked about how when he was
trained, students would practice standing in one
position for 20 minutes at a time. They were not
taught to move from one position to the next until
they could stand perfectly in each of the positions. I
find it difficult to stand still for even a minute!
Every little breeze could be an ant or a hair and
seems impossible to ignore. Hopefully I'll get better
at focusing with more training....

Makeup. Tai Chi. Hair care. Media. Parenting. Shopping.

2006-08-27T19:54:00.000-05:00

When I sat down to write, these are the thoughts that came to mind. I've been exploring things lately - especially traditionally "feminine" things but also just trying new things in general. I'm not a tomboy, exactly, but I've never been able to make myself stay interested in hair or makeup for more than a week or in wearing fancy (and generally uncomfortable) clothing.

Shopping. I've always hated shopping. Browsing is a different matter. I've always enjoyed browsing. I love seeing new gadgets and convenience items. Shopping requires one to make decisions - giving up some money for this item versus some other versus saving the money for another time. I generally don't enjoy it. Within 30 minutes, I'm done and have been known to get quite cranky about being pushed to shop any longer than that.

Recently though, I've caught myself shopping for longer and enjoying it. I had been to a lot of other shops, searching for some new work clothes. I tend to wear the least dressy clothes I think I can get away with, but I've just been "aquired" by a new comapny, and the new company seems to expect a higher standard of dress. I tried to go into this cheerfully but really struck out on my first few attempts. I disliked most of what I saw, and the few things I liked from the racks looked terrible on me.

I was getting pretty discouraged and wondering if I should start doing some online searches for something I could like. Just when I was about to give up, I finally found a store that had something close to what I wanted. I wanted solid colored, short-sleeved, button-down shirts - plain and simple. They had solid colored, button-down shirts with 3/4 length shirts. In August, every inch counts, but I decided if they were loose enough, I could make do with them. They also happened to be on sale - two for the price of one. I found a lot of other things I liked there too, and, even with the sale prices, I found myself wanting to buy much more than I really had money for. I can't remember that ever happening. I went with it and got a lot of things I liked. For a few minutes, I could relate to the old sit-coms where the woman comes home with armloads of stuff and talks about how much money she'd "saved" them.

Then I got home and looked and started looking at my receipts and the items and realized that several of them just weren't going to actually go with anything I had. Either I'd have to buy lots more stuff, or I'd have to return some of it. I ended up returning about half what I bought and still having enough of what I wanted. I'm glad it's done and don't have to think about shopping again for a while. Back to browsing.

Remembering King's Cross and Double Deckers

2006-07-07T12:01:00.000-05:00

I don't know what to say really about things like this. I don't much care the media coverage of this sort of tragedies and "anniversaries" of tragedies, but I suppose "something" ought to be said and remembered.

I don't remember much about King's Cross except being a bit confused as there seemed to be a "train" and an underground station by the same name. We simply couldn't be in London at King's Cross and NOT at least look for platform 9 3/4, so we found 9 and 10 and then went back to our sight-seeing.

Another thing we couldn't do was go to London and NOT take at least one spin in a double decker bus. My daughter insisted we ride on the top - and so we did - right in front! Sure, I came out of it feeling a bit like a popsicle (frozen), but we had a great view of things from up there.

I loved how the drivers called me "love". I suppose it's similar to how some people around here call everyone "sweetie", but somehow it sounds nicer. I guess it seems more personal and genuine since I'm not used to hearing it. Seeing big chunks of bus in places where they shouldn't be isn't nice.

Thinking about that, though, reminds me of the great time I had visiting London and other cool parts of England. I miss it - the double decker busses, the loves, the rain, the lovely accents, and the people there. Someday when I actually get some vacation time, I'll have to go back.

Pyrates Mystery

2006-06-25T00:00:00.000-05:00

There is some dispute over the actual author of "The Pyrates" book. It seems more likely that the author was, in fact, Captain Charles Johnson.

Argh! It's me birthday

2006-06-24T23:11:00.000-05:00

I've been reading one of my presents - A General History of The Pyrates by Daniel Defoe. Originally, it was called A General History of the Robberies and Murders of the most notorious Pyrates and also their Policies, Discipline and Government.

It's not a subject that has ever occurred to me to take an interest in (beyond a half-hearted attempt to celebrate Talk like a Pirate Day), but I've come to think of gifts as a fun way to explore random new things. I've never read Robinson Crusoe or anything else by Defoe. I had no idea he'd written any non-fiction.

Usually when I am going to explore a book, I like to read or at least skim the introduction if it was written by the author. I don't always like to read intros and front matter that is added on later. Sometimes they can be well done and interesting. Sometimes they're rather detailed and tedious. So far, I'm enjoying this introduction.

Apparently he often wrote for both sides of competing political parties or groups. Sometimes he did it covertly and sometimes, it seems, he did it quite openly. Either way, he got himself into a lot of trouble over it before he turned to fiction writing.